Friday, December 31, 2010

Boat Boy Bryan with a Y

Neighbors. Just say the word and it conjures up a morass of emotions ranging from it's a wonderful day in the neighborhood to I'm going to Wal-Mart to load up on firearms.

The neighbor in question is the one behind and to the left of me. I've never met this neighbor. Never spoken to him. Meaning he has never pissed me off. And up until yesterday I didn't even know his name.

Boat Boy Bryan with a Y had a boat. He got rid of it sometime when I was staying with my parents. The boat of much amusement is gone. And I'm a bit sadden by this.

I know less than nothing about boats for I don't even have the slightest desire to learn anything about them but, Boat Boy Bryan with a Y's boat was broken. It would take him three days to start that thing up. He would do this about once a year. Three days of banging, cursing, failed engine starting attempts. Now I just admitted that I know nothing about boats but, it shouldn't take three days to get one to start. Finally at the end of day three it would roar to life and belch out the biggest, blackest, smelliest, cloud of smoke that was so dense it would just hang there in the yard hovering over Boat Boy Bryan with a Y and his broken boat. He would then put the pedal to the metal, wait that's cars, the throttle to the dash board? Whatever you do to boats to make them run at full speed. After about five minutes he would turn the boat off and that would be the end of the boat show for another year.

Boat Boy Bryan with a Y did take the boat out. Once. Yep in about the four years he had the boat he took it out once. Truly wish he had done this more because that was an entertaining afternoon. He went to park the boat back into the side of his house with his buddy helping. Turn to your right, your right, your other right, STOP. Almost took out the side of the house. I poured myself a frosty drink and got into the jaccuzzi and sat back for an hour of hysterical entertainment.

The boat is gone now and so I should drop the Boat Boy and now it's Bryan with a Y. And how did I come by this information? Yesterday Bryan with a Y taped an invitation, oh excuse me my FORMAL invitation to his New Years Eve party to my mail box. With his advanced apology. I now have Byran's name AND phone number. And an invite to his party. Hmmm. Now we all know he doesn't want me coming to his party. He plans on being loud and obnoxious tonight and is hoping I won't call the cops. Rather than an fake invitation, I wish Bryan had just said that. And rather than an advanced apology I would rather have him promise this won't be a regular thing. So it makes me want to go formally crash his party. Early enough so that people are not so drunk as to not notice or care that the party got crashed.

On the invitation it says there are going to be drinks, dancing and a DJ. This tells me several things about Bryan with a Y. He must be single. Okay the boat tipped me off to that but this confirms it because there is no mention of food on the invitation. Also I'm heavily suspecting that this party is a ruse by Bryan with a Y to ensure that he at least has a shot at getting laid on New Years Eve.

It all makes me want to crash the party. In my pajamas. Toting my ukulele. Making it a memorable New Year's Eve party.

So here's to No Longer Boat Boy Bryan with a Y and just Bryan with a Y neighbor. May your party be loud and obnoxious and lack any cop involvement.

Tonight I will tolerate your ass but don't make it a habit.

I have your phone number.

Happy New Year.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

March 24th





They are both coming! March 24th to the Orange County Performing Arts Center and yes you bet I've got tickets in my hot little hand!!

Sqeeeeeeeeeeee!

The Real Meaning of Gift Cards





I know people have various feelings about gift cards. Some are thrilled with them. Me being one. Others find them impersonal and I get that too.

But, the true meaning of gift cards is to avoid "present face".

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Take a Break

Because it's time to take a break.
A break from anything serious.
Here is a bit of fluffy entertainment I ran across.
Enjoy



Now I want fried chicken.

Monday, December 27, 2010

The Perfect Dog




While out Christmas shopping, I came across the perfect dog.

It's shitless.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I pulled my pants down...




way to far it seems. Dang my bum hurts! Last month the nurse gave me the injection of Lupron rather high on my bum. It was sore that night and some the next day. This time I pulled my pants down too far it seems as this nurse decided to inject me in the more meatier part of my bum. Like the middle. And it was sore last night and today. Like last time only that meatier middle part of my bum, I sit on! So it really smarts.

I will now be giving directions.

AND not pulling my pants down so far.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Stop....



Stop giving fiber arts a bad name! I'm a knitter and recently have added crocheting to my list of skills. It is stuff like this that while it makes me laugh it also makes me mad. Mad because this is what gives knitting and crocheting a bad name. A "you do what?" response from the general public that well, aren't my people to start with so I don't care. But, I do. I do because I think more people, especially young people would part take in this craft if it wasn't for crap like this.

Really? We want to take a picture of this blanket with the instructions on how to make it for Lion Brand Yarn. What can we do? I got an idea let's hang the blanket on the wall and then we can have a woman in a unitard do an outrageous yoga pose in front of it. Yeah, great idea, I can see it now, back slapping all around.

Because to enjoy this blanket you must hang it on the wall, don a unitard and do a yoga pose in front of it.

Venturing

I'll be venturing out into the elements today to brave the elements of Hoag's Day hospital. Yes this will be shot number two of Lupron. So I'll get to drop my britches for the needle wielding bitches that will stab me in the ass. It is really not bad.

Then I'll also see Dr. Cox while there. He is my radialogist oncologist. Say that fast three times. This is just a follow up appointment but, I'm hoping we part ways after this. Not that I didn't like him, but he is not the man with the answers or taking care of me long term, that would be my medical oncologist Dr. Barth. So I just don't have time to dance with Dr. Cox.

It's been nice, bye bye is what I'm hoping for.

On the Lupron front, have been experiencing a few hot flashes but, they are brief and not very intense.

Monday, December 20, 2010

My Tribute to the Holidays

Sing to "I'd like to buy the world a coke" melody:


I'd Like to Give the World a Xanax
I'd like to give Xanax a home and furnish it with love,
Grow apple trees and honey bees, and snow white turtle doves.
I'd like for everyone to float and sing in perfect harmony,
I'd like to Give the world a Xanax and keep it company.

It's the real thing, Xanax is what the world needs today.

Yes I know as wrong as it is, I'm a HUGE fan of Xanax. Xanax has saved my sanity through this ordeal. And yes, just like anything, it is bad if it is abused. I haven't taken any in a number of weeks now. But, it is comfort in a bottle just knowing I have it at hand.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

I Surrender

I have officially surrendered and am waving a white flag high in the air!

I have this need at Christmas time to declare I'm officially done. To quit. To stop the madness. And just accept that if I forgot, I forgot and I'll have to just let go.

If I forgot, I forgot.

If I just didn't get to it, it just didn't get done.
If I just didn't feel like it, I didn't feel like it.
If that makes me an asshole, then I'm an asshole.

If I let go, I will fall.
If I fall, I will land.
If you love me, you will still love me.

And if I hold your hand, will you not be holding mine?
And if I walk by your side, will you not be walking by me?
And if I lift you up, do you not lift me too?

If I love you, then you are loved.

Lupron update

I noticed I have been remiss in my Lupron side effects update. Mainly because there really hasn't been anything to report. I will be having my second injection on Tuesday the 21st. There have been a couple of times where I thought hmmm a little warm in here and then it goes away. Hot flash I suppose but, not intense.

Thankful. Grateful.

Cold?




Here is one way to keep your nose warm!

Friday, December 17, 2010

It will make you laugh



I have to give credit where it is due. I stole this again from a Face Book posting.

Guaranteed to make you laugh.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Antibiotics in hand

But, not in body. I'm holding off. The sinus infection is going in the right direction. I really do feel it is getting better. I have the antibiotics in hand now and at the first sign of it getting worse I'll pop them. But, for now, I'm holding off.

I'm feel like I'm in a bit of a catch 22 with them. Because yes, I probably need them but, they are not going to only kill off the bad stuff but, they will kill off good stuff too and I don't have much of that.

Plus I just hate taking antibiotics. I hate the way they make me feel and I don't need to add to the crappy pile right now. So I'm doing my GSE, oil of oregano and vitamin C. and nettie pot. AND staying down.

I'm giving my body a chance.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My Son Freaks me OUT

Yes, Yes he does. Because just now I said to him "I'm not sure why the vein wouldn't give today I guess it had just had enough". And he says "well, the first poke, there was some blood but, it wasn't right, the second poke she got blood but, it was bright red and thin and watery not thick like it is suppose to be so I knew that wasn't right either. Now the third I could tell right away that one was okay."

I just looked at him with my mouth hanging open. "You watched?" "Oh yeah, all three pokes. I always watch." He says. Okay I know he watches. He has said I watch. But, I thought he just watched the blood draw. I didn't realize he watches the whole thing.

Good God. Is this okay? My son is watching me get poked repeatedly. I guess if he wasn't okay, he wouldn't watch and he wouldn't come in with me.

Well, all I can say is he doesn't get this from me. Because I don't watch!

What failure and success look like



Puncture to the right is failure number one. Puncture to the left (higher up on the forearm)is failure number two. And no normal punctures are not that large. I was numb, couldn't feel anything so, she was trying to save it.



This was the successful attempt. But, this is why I hate having it done in this location. The after isn't so pretty. I guess it doesn't look that bad. It didn't hurt. Barely felt anything. But, I had to have my arm straight resting on a pillow for an hour and a half.

I have to have a another lupron shot in my ass next week. Cake walk.

Old Faithful Failed

It was a tough morning and while the three pokes were not fun, what was truly tough were the emotions.

I knew it was going to happen eventually. My old faithful vein. The only vein I have let anyone poke through this whole thing. The one in my left arm wrist area. Oh it is bruised and battered but, up until today it had panned out. But, today, today it just laid down and said no more. I was hydrated. I had exercised the heck out of it. But, nope. The nurse I had today, she has cannulated me before. Several times. She has been doing this for seventeen years and started out in pediatrics. She got the needle in the vein that wasn't the problem. It collapsed. I'm numbed up with the emula so I'm okay. She tries for a spot higher up. Its in, it gives her some blood and then quits. She pulls it out. She says to me I'm going to have to find a new place. She is apologizing all over the place. I keep telling her it is not her fault. Because it wasn't. She got it in. That's all she can do. Then she looks me in the eye and says if you want someone else, if you want to tell me no I don't want you to poke me again get someone else, I'm okay with that, you can tell me that.

And she is flushed and shook up. This would have failed today no matter who had attempted it. I suspect it is because of the shingles and being sick this past week my body wasn't able to heal itself. But, now I'm looking at this shook up, hurting nurse. How, just how am I to tell her I want someone else? And I really didn't want someone else, that wasn't going to help anyway. She has to do this again after me, I don't know how many more times today. And tomorrow. And the day after that.

I take both her hands in mine and look her back in the eye and I say "I don't know how you do this". She looks at me and says "I don't know how you come here every three weeks and do this". I say "This disease is hard on everyone. Not just the patient. I come here every three weeks, but in between I don't think about it. You live this every day. You come in here everyday and thread needles into people. All day long. I couldn't do that but, I NEED someone that can do that". She says "There have been times where I thought I don't want to do this anymore, but, someone does have to do this and there are people who just can't and someday it could be me. It could be me that needs someone to do this for me. So I come and I do this."

And now I'm a blubbering mess but, my tears are not for me alone, but for her as well. And she looks rather shocked at the realization. I say "We are stuck. I can't leave. You can't leave. We both have to do this. So look for vein that you feel good about. And it will work."

And so she does. She finds one in the bend of the elbow on my left arm and she feels good about it. I can tell. And it works. Hardly felt anything. And that's the bugger with using that spot. Easy in. Easy out. But, damn the thing is sore after for a couple of days. And it hurts right now. The wrist doesn't do that. More painful to get in so that's why I use the emula to numb it but, it doesn't hurt after. But, here I am.

The nurse felt that we could try again in the wrist next time as it would be six weeks then. It got poked twice today but, not used. Nothing flowing through it. I will numb both areas next time and now have a back up spot.

I knew it would probably give out. That vein has been cannulated I believe twenty times in the last nine months and I'm sure I'm forgetting some along the way.

I might end up with a port after all. But, I'm fighting it right now. She had no trouble getting it in a new spot so, we will see.

Two hours later we are done. And now standing, I hug my nurse and ask her if she is okay. She says "You are an amazing person. Yes, I'm okay"

Yes I'm the patient. Yes it is all about me. But, I'm home now. In comfy pajamas about to watch more mind numbing Battlestar Gallactica (the new one). And my nurse is still in chemo row. Poking people. Trying to get needles into people's veins. Purposely inflicting discomfort in the effort to heal. I have no doubt that she has had people think it is her fault when it hasn't gone well and has had patients make her feel incompetent. I know she felt incompetent today. And I tried to take that away. Because someone has to do this, and it isn't me.

Tears form because
Because I need her to get up every day and cannulate.
Because I need her to keep on poking when it doesn't work.
Because I can't have "my" nurse give up.
Because.....I need her.
Tears fall because

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Lingering Head Cold

Blast it. I'm still not over this thing. It is better. No sore throat. Some coughing but not as much. Less congestion. But oh the left sinus. It hurts. Doing GSE and lots of vitamin C. Nettie pot keeping things cleared out. Strange thing is that it is more of just pressure during the day but, around 6pm last night and tonight it turns to pain. Advil helped some. Last night was so bad I took 3 Advil, ice packed it and then took 2 xanax and just knocked my ass out. Whew wee I was still loopy this morning but, not in pain and I slept so really I didn't care.

The Advil has taken the edge off some tonight but, I think I'm heading towards the ice pack and the xanax again. Not waiting until midnight like I did last night. Nope, starting the ice now and at 10pm xanax and nighty night.

I go for Herceptin on Tuesday so, they will check my butt out then.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Wonderous



I stole this. I found it wonderous. Says a lot about us humans. We don't allow ourselves to be amazed.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Severed Relationships

This is my official notice of my permanent break up with the OC Register.

I miss my Sunday paper I really do. Sitting with something hot to drink, perusing through the mindless ads. Every once in while getting totally outraged over something I read. I miss it. The Sunday paper fed my soul in some low level meaningless way.

But, I broke it off with the OC Register after a failed attempt at having just the paper delivered on Sundays. Apparently the Register wanted more from me than I could emotionally give. The Register wanted and needed a bigger commitment from me and I was just sadly unable to comply and fulfill it's needs.

It started off fine. This seemingly harmonious relationship of ink paper media and reader. A paper to be delivered every Sunday for a price of $8 for 8 weeks. I'd awake on Sunday morning and put on a pot of coffee. Walk out to my driveway and pick up the rolled paper neatly wrapped in plastic. Settle in for a nice self indulging read. Oh those where the sweet days. Those first 8 weeks of a blossoming indulgence. But, oh sigh, then I got a paper on a Friday and Saturday too. I just didn't want to see that much of the OC Register. I didn't have any extra time to spend with it. And so I called to discuss this uncomfortable situation. I was told it was the same price. But, I don't want it I explained to no avail. The paper kept coming and I kept throwing the unwanted attention into the trash. Then the bill came. WHAT? Oh no. The same price was a farce. Now the Register was trying to get $26 from me. So I called. After much debate and discussion and denials from the Register, I gave up and just broke it off completely. Just cancel the paper completely!

And the following Friday there it was sitting on my driveway again. I called and was told it is now canceled only to get the paper again.

Finally, I got a hold of a supervisor and said I just don't want the paper. Again the hard sale to try and keep me. I said to the woman "look I know breaking up is hard to do but, my divorce wasn't this difficult". She finally relented. And I haven't gotten a paper since.

That was almost one year ago.

But.....since then, the Register calls me about 5 times a day. Like a stalking jilted lover wanting to get back together. I have answered and said "I don't want the paper!" and hang up quickly. No success, the calls keep coming.

I do miss my Sunday paper but, the price is just too high.

Life's Challenges



One of the biggest challenges you are going to have to face in your life is how to fold a fitted sheet.

Okay I'll just let you sit with that one until you stop laughing hysterically. IF ONLY LADY!

Now for the really pathetic part? It appealed to me. Yes the ability to fold fitted sheets into a nice square. The anal retentive side of me that just re-organized the linen closet recently. So recently that when I open the closet I gasp. What happened! Oh yeah I cleaned it out. I want square folded fitted sheets in my linen closet.

So I embarked on learning this technique. AND FAILED. This bitch is doing slight of hand tricks that she is not sharing. Like those people who give you a recipes and then tell you they can't tell you the "secrete" ingredient so it won't be quite as good as theirs. Those bastards whose goal it is to make others feel inferior. I salute you with both my middle fingers.

So I went and found the following:



This one I can do. And now I can have square folded fitted sheets in my re-organized linen closet without the frustration.

Monkey Brain

Well, if you are up to the challenge of reading today's post then hang on because I have a bad case of monkey brain. You know, where your brain is bouncing all over the place and having a hard time staying on topic. Anyway I'm blaming this condition on the stupid head cold I have. Thus the lack of posting for the last few days. The head cold has now gone into the coughing up lungs stage. My brain finally turned on and I pulled out my GSE. Had the brilliant idea of mixing it with the airborne I was about to chug. Good Lord what was I thinking? GSE on its own is like drinking your own vomit (opposed to drinking someone else's which tastes completely different)mixed with airborne and it was foaming vomit. Yeah. I lived. Barely.

On the cancer front, I have an appointment with Dr. Barth for the 17th of Jan. He didn't want to see me for 6 weeks unless I was lighting stuff on fire from the Lupron. Which is doing nothing but, it gave me a period. Oh joys. Yeah, well, it does this initial "flare" which all I can think is lupron chemical with buttons all over it. Your estrogen levels spike and then crash and then stay down. So the colorful button "flare" of the lupron caused this period. I'm guessing. I did have one in October due to me falling out of menopause. But, I think it has been over 40 days. You know at this point, whatever. I looked up the hormone and menses cycle, and it didn't make any sense to me. A graph with colored lines going all over the place. To me it looked more like my brain activity than my body cycle. Anyway, I'm still waiting for hot flashes or something and so far. Nothing. And I'm thankful. Just thankful for that.

I have my next herceptin next Tuesday the 14th. It will be number 6 out of 18. I will actually be one third of the way through. Right? Someone check my math. Seems right. I have to do this for a year and will be finished in August 2011. December is my fourth month so yes a third of the way through. Time flys when you are having fun and even when you are not.

The holidays are upon us in full force. For me the biggest evidence of this is the mail. Huge piles of colorful ads in the mail. It's crazy. My mailman didn't make it to the house last night until after 5pm. He was wearing a light headband so he could see as it was dark. I still have a bit of shopping left that I WANT to do. And some Christmas cards I WANT to get out. I have decided to boycott the "HAVE TO" phrase. My HAVE TO plate is full. So I have started to replace "have to" with "want to" and it does make a difference. Seems to lower the irritation levels quite a bit. I want to get the laundry done just doesn't seem to raise those dread levels nearly as much.

Today is going to be a pajama day recovering from this stupid cold. I want to get the laundry finished and I want to get one Christmas card mailed. I also plan on watching some anime with Chris and watching some Battlestar Galactica (new version non kid friendly) on Netflix instant.

And battle monkey brain. Stay on target, stay on target!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Ease of use creates....

....a mother fucker load of work, I tell you.

About five years ago in a fit of re-decorating my (back then our) bedroom, I choose two mount on the wall light fixtures. I was so clever. Two to be mounted above both sides of the bed. We could read in bed. AND I chose light fixtures with those easy to use touch features. Wow. No more having the strenuous task of having to turn a light switch. Oh no. Just reach up and touch. Touch again and brighter. Touch again and brighter still. Yes a three way dimmer touch light.

Now five years later the touch light switch sensors have burned out. No more touchy light. Now I blogged about this whole tale quite some time ago. But, I was using the other light and now it is poof too. So now at night after 5pm when it gets dark, I'm sitting in the dark. Guess I actually have to DO something. So off to Lowes I go. And guess what? Yes they have replacement sensors. I buy one and today I decided to tackle this chore.

I take apart the light to see if the sensor looks like it will work. I have no idea really but the current sensor has four wires and the replacement has four wires so something has to work.

Hold everything. Unplug the light. Yes, I'm not that clueless. I would be really pissed to have gone through everything I have this year just to end up frying my ass over a stupid touch light.

How hard can it be to unplug a light? You wouldn't believe it. I'll tell you and you still won't believe it.

I have a platform bed. Someone tell me these things are now against the law. I bought said bed in 1989 because my ex wanted a water bed. And we were newly married. And in luvvv. And well a water bed sounds really appealing to young newly married people. The water bed did spring a leak way before the marriage did and the water bed went bye bye. But, not the platform bed. No I missed my chance on that one. We got a pillow top mattress that weighs five tons and put that on the platform bed. And I still have it. The bed and mattress. The whole thing.

So what's the problem? The problem is I have a wall of bed. A SOLID wall of bed and no access to the wall. At all. The wall that hold the outlet to which the lights are plugged into. And I know I've gone through this routine but, it has been a while. I took out one of the drawers in the platform bed sure that I could reach through that way. No. It is solid in there. I think I have to pull five ton mattress off bed and lift off the ply wood slats and then maybe MAYBE I can reach the wall. But, I have a sinking feeling that the bed has to be taken apart to reach the wall.

We really didn't do this did we? Surely I made him use an extension cord to the wall so that the cord could be pulled out though some small gaps at the sides and unplug the lights? No. No I didn't. I must not have been supervising that day.

My other alternative is to go throw the breakers on the house and replace the sensor that way. But, that always makes me nervous. I like to SEE that the fixture is no longer plugged in.

It would be the easier way but, ease of use causes......

I'm done thinking about this today and will try tackling it this weekend.