Friday, September 30, 2011

A "Sign" of the Times?

So I'm driving down the road the other day and stop at a red light. Over to my right in front of a strip shopping center is a sign waver. He is waving, twirling and moving that sign for a Subway. Bopping to his itunes and making the best of being a sign waver.

Does this work? I'm seeing more and more sign wavers for stores than I ever have. Does it work or is it just the form of advertising that is affordable and is better than nothing. I'm not sure but, it must work on some level or we wouldn't be seeing them. And I think it's just easier for business to actually get people to wave the signs because there are a lack of jobs out there. And that's my best guess.

Then I look over to the left at the strip shopping center across the street. And there is a woman standing there holding a sign. Nope she is not waving this one around although maybe it would help attract attention if she did. No this was a homeless person.

Both these people were holding signs for money. Which makes me wonder if the homeless person wouldn't be better off getting a job being a sign waver.

Which makes me wonder who makes more per hour? The hired sign waver being paid or the homeless person asking for help?

A sign of the times.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Pink Month

October is almost upon on. So watch out for the onslaught of pink because October is breast cancer awareness month.

So, here you are aware.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Happiness is...

... a crock of shit. An illusion. A Hallmark sentiment of consumer bullshit.

Happiness exists as a fleeting feeling. Not as a sustainable state of being that society would have you believe.

We take in. We take in our being with our senses. We see, hear, feel, taste and smell and sometimes those things we take in please us and poof we experience happiness. But it is not a state of being.

Maybe contentment is more sustainable or satisfaction. But we have a right to pursue happiness and it just bloody well doesn't exist but for fleeting moments.

Those monks that sit and meditate for a life time in pursuit of enlightenment and that is just really another word for what they are really meditating for, which is for finding happiness, need to get up off their asses and fucking do something.

And just what brought me to this point of enlightenment?

Tossing out all my crap. Getting the last of my big items taken away. Stuff. Stuff that at one time I thought brought me happiness only to then wake up to find it sitting on my chest like an oppressing presences that I thought I would never get rid of. And I'm still not done. And it feels heavier at times.

So I'm driving over to the house yesterday to let go of these once fulfilled me in some way I thought items that are now trying to drag me under and I stop at a stop light. And who should cross the street but a homeless man. He had a backpack with all his possessions tied to it. Two grocery plastic bags and a quart container half filled with some sort of liquid. Hope it wasn't his pee. He crosses the street with all his worldly possessions easily being carted with him. He owns nothing that requires the worry of maintenance. No car. No house. No stuff that can break down and needs repairs. No worries right? So does he look happy? No. Make that a fuck no. In fact he was probably the most miserable looking son of a bitch I've seen since I've been off chemo row.

Because happiness is a crock of shit and a fleeting moment.

Satisfaction that you were the best person you could be today. I fail miserably at this one too but it's what I'm striving for these days because it feels real.

I need chocolate. Good thing Walmart had the sugar free stuff on sale yesterday. I stocked up.

Friday, September 23, 2011

You Just Don't Know....

You just don't know what the day is going to bring.

Started this morning with a nice walk on the beach with friends. Then I headed over to the house for people to show up to take away stuff.

First woman to show up had wanted both twin beds. She decided to take only one. How she got that one in her car I don't know. She had a small SUV thing. She actually shoved that bed into the back over the back seats and then a couple of inches over the front seat head rests in order to shut the back door. I'm not kidding. How she drove...I guess with her head leaning forward. I think she lived close by.

Next up was the guy to get the large buffet table. This thing was huge. Dude had a dollie and a mini van with his mother in it and his BABY! Dude tipped that bad boy on end and got it on the dollie and tied it up with rope and shoved that thing into the back of the mini van with the BABY in the car seat watching with a look on her face like what the fuck? Yeah that's what I was thinking too. Impressive I tell you. One of the most impressive things I've ever seen! A buffet table measuring 70" x 19" x 31" shoved into a mini van! This piece was from 1968! Heavy.

And then the best for last of course. The third woman. She was a professional! She brought two, yes two trucks and a friend. She took so much stuff!!!! Not everything but man a lot. She just kept saying I'll take it. I'll take it. I opened the garage and told her all this stuff I was going to take to the Goodwill but...I'll take it and she did. All of it. Dang.

I've got more people coming tomorrow to hopefully take the last of the big stuff and then I'll be left with a few things that are going to the curb for large item pick up.

After the pick up frenzy I came home to update free cycle with the taken items and email others for things still up for grabs and in the middle of it all I get a call for a job interview. So on Monday I have an interview. This is at a bank. We will see how that goes.

And there you have it. You just don't know. Now days I wake up, open my eyes and say "hot damned I'm still here let's see what kinds of trouble I can get into today!"

Because you just don't know.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Happy birthday to me and people like free!

It's my birthday. I'm 49 and trying to figure out how that happened.

Had a nice memorable birthday that started with walk on the beach with two dear friends. We came across a comorand...hold on while I check the spelling...make that cormorant bird on the beach with a hook stuck in it's beak and fishing line around his body. Poor thing. One of my friends was able to get a hold of the bird and we took it to the Wetlands Animal Care Center. Hope my birthday bird makes it.

Had a nice hearty breakfast with put hair on your chest coffee. Wowza that was crazy strong. I think I still have a buzz.

Got myself some birthday bling and gift. Will post pictures later. I need to take a pic of the one item still.

Family brought Chinese food for dinner and now I'm just stuffed. Poke me with a fork and call me done.

Only I'm not.

Another thing I discovered today is people love free. I mean LOVE. I put my furniture on free cycle this morning and in two minutes it was an email frenzy of I Want That!. Goodness. Been on the computer emailing pictures to people and trying to keep it straight who put dibs on what first. Crazy.

And productive. I think I have almost everything given away. The bulk of it should be picked up tomorrow.

It will be interesting to see if these people show and actually take this stuff. I'm still skeptical.

But hopeful.

I will report later on the results.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

1 year and NED

Yesterday marked one year of herceptin to the day. I started that treatment one year ago. And I can celebrate one year NED. Whose NED? NED is No Evidence of Disease. NED is the medical term for cancer free and quite frankly I like NED better than cancer free because no one knows for sure if they are cancer free or not. So NED is as good as it gets and it feels honest.

Happy one year NED!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Plowing

I'm just plowing along. The house is empty. Well, almost. What is left is going bye bye. So I'm going over there tomorrow to take pictures and put the stuff on free cycle and see if it will disappear!

And the garage. The garage need to be cleaned out. There is not much left but what is in there is pretty much tossable.

Then I will need to address the carpets and get the place painted and rented. I think I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I've told my mom you better really like me living here because I'm never going through this shit again!

Moving sucks and I'm only getting older.

In medical news, I saw Nicole (Dr. Barth's PA) on the second and everything is looking good.

I had my last MUGA on the 6th. that's the heart scan. I will have a MRI on October 11th and see Dr. Guerra my surgeon. Then I see Dr. Barth on December 2nd.

So I'm holding my own and doing well. Getting house rented and then back to the job hunt.

And that was a rather dry boring post but I'm going to get back into the blogging.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

We know nothing







We know nothing. Everything we do, is an illusion we can't "see". But, we think we know the world that we flail around in and we make assumptions based on what we think we know and we make decisions and mistakes because of it all.

So why are we so afraid to take risks, to fail, to make mistakes when it's a miracle that we ever get anything right?

Pain avoidance.