It was 1am and I was awake. Now this seems to happen during the first week of chemo. Energy is so weird. Its like riding a roller coaster. You get these burst of energy and then come crashing down. And you never really know when they are going to hit you. So there I was last night at 1am and wide awake. Sadly I turned to the TV. My parents have cable and a bazillion channels surely there has to be something on. Wrong. Want to know what's on TV at 1am? Yea well I'm going to tell you anyway. Infomercials. Lots of them. I just don't get it. Who is up at 1am buying stuff off the TV? All I can come up with is closet shoppers who get up at 1am and sneak off into another room to buy stuff without their family knowing they are buying stuff off the TV.
So first up, an exercise machine that claimed to give you tight buns but looked like you could break your neck using it. Ok. It's hard watching people with that much energy demonstrating an exercise machine at 1am. I want to mellow out not get hyped up. Next.
A weight loss program. Nutrisystem or Jenny Craig can't remember now but one of those meals come in a box to your house. Ok. I guess committing to starting a diet plan at 1am is as good a time as any. Next.
Oxyclean. Ok this one I really didn't get because I'm pretty sure you can buy this stuff in the store but, just in case you wake up at 1am and realized you forgot to pick some up, hey you can just order off the TV and go back to sleep worry free. Next.
NO!NO! a what? I actually watched this one for awhile. Simply because I couldn't figure out what the bleep the darn thing was at first. Turned out to be some sort of hair removing device. It was a device but, the lady selling kept claiming that it didn't shave the hair and it didn't pull it out like other devices. So what did it do? Just how did it remove the hair? Must have been by magic because heck if she ever said how. Darn thing just mystified me too much, and somehow was making me think too much and was doing nothing to try and get me sleepy. Next.
A $400 vacuum cleaner. Ok I get this one. I get why it's being sold at 1am. You sure want to buy a $400 vacuum cleaner at 1am while hiding in the other room and no other family member knows of it. The vacuum cleaner I'm willing to pay $400 for better have a maid attached to it. Next.
Hair replacement for men. Ok hair plugs. I'm currently a bald woman, ok you bald men that are being kept up at 1am worrying over your baldness, get over it and go to sleep. Next.
1-800 party line. So here's a young woman dressed to the nines in her whore gear, call me now and we can have a party. What can I say? If that's how you want to spend your money and if you can go to sleep after? hey go for it. Not for me. Next.
A matress. A Mattress! Ok I actually get this one. It's 1am, you can't sleep, hey it's the mattress you are sleeping on keeping you awake. I wouldn't buy a mattress without testing it out but, this is a sleep number mattress so you don't have to test it out. You can adjust it whatever your needs are and finally, finally get the sleep you deserve. Ok I can actually see the point to selling this at 1am.
Ah at last logic and order is restored!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Who knew?
Who knew that I think the secret to not going into constipation while on chemo for me is.....flan. Yes, I saw this huge flan at Cost Co the day before I had chemo and I wanted it. Now I stay away from dairy during these days as it gives me gas but something told me get that. I ate huge chunks of it during chemo. I have eaten it everyday. And....no constipation. Yipee. Have officially moved past that stage. Ate a scrambled egg inside a flour tortilla this morning. And then had a craving for salty meat. Dad went and got me a ham steak. Been munching on that today. Go figure. So weird.
I mentioned Greet the Day in an earlier posts. Looking back now I had amazing energy exchange with this woman. I knew immediatley when she touched me that she was Reiki and told her so. Anyway, I did not have a reaction to the chemo and the next day my battered and bruised vein was almost healed. Today you can barely see anything and the vein is popping up all on its own. Make of it what you will. Maybe it even helped with the bowels.
Will be having the MRI on the 6th and seeing Dr. Barth on the 8th.
Until trying to stay relaxed and grateful I didn't end up in the ER again!
I mentioned Greet the Day in an earlier posts. Looking back now I had amazing energy exchange with this woman. I knew immediatley when she touched me that she was Reiki and told her so. Anyway, I did not have a reaction to the chemo and the next day my battered and bruised vein was almost healed. Today you can barely see anything and the vein is popping up all on its own. Make of it what you will. Maybe it even helped with the bowels.
Will be having the MRI on the 6th and seeing Dr. Barth on the 8th.
Until trying to stay relaxed and grateful I didn't end up in the ER again!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Dr. Susan Love
I have mixed feelings about this woman. She is a breast cancer doctor and is doing the Army of Women for research and has partnered with Avon.
She is not looking for a cure for breast cancer but for an end to it. And I appreciate that. She has written books on breast cancer.
Now here is my mixed feelings. This is one mad woman. She is mad. And anger can be a great motivator but then it can be bad in other areas. What I don't like is that she feels there is too much focus on research and finding cures rather than a cause and end to breast cancer. Well, finding cures and treatments is easier than find a cause. We don't know what causes any cancer and treatments that gives us cures is not something to look down on. But, she does.
And she says things in ways that well I for one feel could be said better. For example formal self breast examines do no good. What she really means is just normal poking around will find the same thing. Ok. Well, just say don't worry about if you are doing a self breast examine correctly, just poke and feel around on a regular basis and get to know your breast and you'll be able to find something that way.
The one that really made my eye's pop is she said the early detection was just that early detection not a cure. Well, yea. Ok. She went on to say (darn it I can't find the interview now to cut and paste) that it doesn't really matter if you find breast cancer early or not. If you have bad cancer you are not going to do very well and if you have good cancer you are going to be fine and when you find it doesn't matter its only in a small sub group of about 30% of the women that it makes a difference. I sat there with my mouth hanging open. 30% is a lot! Also, you are not going to convince me that finding cancer even aggressive cancer before it's stage IV and has spread to oh say your brain is not a good thing.
And I'll say there is no such thing as good cancer or bad cancer. They just all have different options behind them. But, I wouldn't say any of them are good.
It just seems anything that is not focused on finding an end to breast cancer is poo pooed by her. I appreciate her efforts. I have joined the Army of Women and want to purchase the necklace she has on her site.
But, the mortality rate from breast cancer has dropped over 30% during the last 10 years and that is something to celebrate not be discouraged by.
Yes, I have mixed feelings.
She is not looking for a cure for breast cancer but for an end to it. And I appreciate that. She has written books on breast cancer.
Now here is my mixed feelings. This is one mad woman. She is mad. And anger can be a great motivator but then it can be bad in other areas. What I don't like is that she feels there is too much focus on research and finding cures rather than a cause and end to breast cancer. Well, finding cures and treatments is easier than find a cause. We don't know what causes any cancer and treatments that gives us cures is not something to look down on. But, she does.
And she says things in ways that well I for one feel could be said better. For example formal self breast examines do no good. What she really means is just normal poking around will find the same thing. Ok. Well, just say don't worry about if you are doing a self breast examine correctly, just poke and feel around on a regular basis and get to know your breast and you'll be able to find something that way.
The one that really made my eye's pop is she said the early detection was just that early detection not a cure. Well, yea. Ok. She went on to say (darn it I can't find the interview now to cut and paste) that it doesn't really matter if you find breast cancer early or not. If you have bad cancer you are not going to do very well and if you have good cancer you are going to be fine and when you find it doesn't matter its only in a small sub group of about 30% of the women that it makes a difference. I sat there with my mouth hanging open. 30% is a lot! Also, you are not going to convince me that finding cancer even aggressive cancer before it's stage IV and has spread to oh say your brain is not a good thing.
And I'll say there is no such thing as good cancer or bad cancer. They just all have different options behind them. But, I wouldn't say any of them are good.
It just seems anything that is not focused on finding an end to breast cancer is poo pooed by her. I appreciate her efforts. I have joined the Army of Women and want to purchase the necklace she has on her site.
But, the mortality rate from breast cancer has dropped over 30% during the last 10 years and that is something to celebrate not be discouraged by.
Yes, I have mixed feelings.
Today
Cheerios with a Metamucil chaser. Have been eating that combination today. I also managed to get down a piece of toast with butter and honey on it and a scrambled egg. Waiting to see how that all goes. Pushing water. Have found munching on salty corn chips helps with thirst and feeling like drinking more of the water.
Slept better last night. Was up and down going pee and drinking water but in between had good peaceful sleep.
Slept better last night. Was up and down going pee and drinking water but in between had good peaceful sleep.
Friday, June 25, 2010
It's all about the...
Poo. And I pooped. I made a poo with no stomach ache and it was normal and it's the first time I have made a poo this soon after chemo! And the first time the first poo after chemo was normal. Oh man maybe just maybe I will bypass constipation this time. I'm hopeful. More cheerios and more Metamucil! I really went crazy with it this week and was going poo about three times a day. Maybe that's what its going to take. And hopefully I figured it out at the end. Because I'm really hoping this is the last round. If not, I can muscle though two more.
Ok time for more cheerios.
Ok time for more cheerios.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
4th Round Completed!
Had a new nurse today. I liked her. We went on a vein search. My good vein is bruised beyond belief and she didn't want to use it. Well, because it hurts to get poked in a bruised vein. So I pointed out the veins that I have had success with in the past (with past IV for surgeries or blood draws) and ones that failed. I then told her that she is the one that did this every day so take a look and see if you find something you feel you can be successful at. So she did and she picked out a vein in my forearm. Now I never had an IV in my forearm and so I told her go for it. And she did. Poke and then she said dang it and pulled it right out. She said well its was nice a plump and as soon as I poked it, it disapeared. She said I don't know why. So now what do you want to try for. She said well, lets look at the vein that has been used although its bruised. So I told her your going to need to place the tie lower on my arm (towards my hand). She did and liked they way the vein was popping up but was worried about the bruising. I said you want to try it. She said if you'll let me. I said I'll just bite down, lets go for it. So she did. Amazingly it didn't hurt as much as the poke in the forearm. I told her hoping she wouldn't feel so bad about poking me in a bruised vein but that back fired because then she started appolgizing for having poked me in the forearm. Well I never been poked there before so how was anyone to know. Now I do. Forearm no good. The bruised vein was successful. She drew blood and was getting a great blood return. As usual. She said well old faithful came through again even bruised! I did work that vein out like crazy this past week. Squeezing the squeeze ball. Although it was bruised it did come through. Once again, it didn't fail me.
Greet The Day was there. Got a nice foot massage. And as soon as this woman placed her hands on me I knew this was a Reiki person. I said Reiki? She said with surprise yes. I told her I was level 3. We had an awesome energy exchange. At the end she said I received more from you than I gave and she thanked me. Greet the Day is a volunteer program and they do the foot massage for free but, most of the therapist who are trained in oncology massage therapy also have massage jobs. So I asked her where she worked. She told me and said she also does stuff on her own. I told I was going to be having surgery at some point and have a really hard time with it. I asked if she would come to the hospital when I come out of recovery and give me a treatment and she gave me her card and said absolutily she would do this and told me just to call her. I'm going to do this as soon as I have a surgery date and talk to my surgeon. I really think this will help me. Depending on when my surgery is and what time I might also talk to my internist. She is a Reiki master and came and gave me Reiki when I had trouble with my gallbladder surgery. Plus she gave me Xanax and that pulled me out of it. Also my insurance paid for it because she was able to bill it as a hospital visit which it was. So I might do that but, see this woman for an oncology massage before surgery. Look up Greet the Day they have a website and I think its a great organization.
Other great news, no reaction this time. Who knows why. So we were done by 2:30pm but, we didn't start treatment until about 10:30 because I had a list of things to go over with the nurse before we started. So total time for chemo was about 4 hours. Maybe even a little less with the vein search. List of things I went over. Well for starters I gave her one of the GUM toothbrushes that my Auntie E. sent me because when I talked to my PA on Monday she didn't know what those were. I didn't even know they exsisted and mouth sores can be a real big problem for chemo patients. She is going to share the tooth brush and info I shared with the doctors in the office. So my Auntie E. has contributed more than just to my treatment and will be helping others. Love you.
I also got a letter yesterday from my lab stating that Dr. Barth had these other things tested on my tumor tissue. I wasn't aware he had other stuff tested besides the oncotype dx test and because I just got the letter, I didn't know if he even had the results back. So I asked the nurse to check. We all got busy with other stuff and well I forgot and so did she. But, I'll be seeing him after the 6th of July and I know he will have the results by then so, I'll just ask him. He's the only one that can go over that stuff with me anyway so no biggie.
Chris sat with me most of the time today. Dad sat with me the first hour and then here comes Chris. He was a little outraged because he had gone up to the receptionist, who is really nice and loves my hats, and said can I go into the back and sit with my mother and she reply no you can't go be with your mother. Well, my kid being literal said OK and then she said of course you can go back and be with your mother go on back. He was outraged. He said ok I knew then that she was messing with me but I don't think that was nice. When someone wants to be with their mother people shouldn't mess around like that. I said well, I know her and she was probably just trying to lighten the mood by making an attempt to mess with you and she didn't leave you hanging long before she told you go on back. He said yea but, I thought she was serious until she said of course you can go back and I didn't like it. All I can say is good thing she didn't drag it out or mess with the kid long because I think he was probably on the verge of blowing after he said OK. I think an explosion was most likely in the makings. I can't blame him.
So beside the extra poke which I can tell is not going to leave a bruise or anything because she yanked it right back out when it wasn't going to work and didn't try to poke around thank God. It was a good round. My kid amazed me again by coming back into chemo land and finding me. Sitting there for a good three hours while watching his mother get poison poured into her. And when they started the chemo that I have had the reaction to he was watching the clock and every ten or fifteen minutes he would ask me if I felt anything. He also noticed the small air bubbles that sometimes get into an IV. He somehow instinctively knew that could be a bad thing and he panicked a bit until I explained that small bubbles don't do anything it has to be the whole line of air going in to create a bubble in your blood that can cause trouble. He still didn't like it and when one would form he would watch it go down the line and poof into my vein. Then frown. Yea I had to reassure him a lot. Then my nurse came by and I explained to her his concerns and she took the time to reassure him. He seemed to relax after that. Mom and Dad popped their heads in once in a while to see how it was going. And Dad's timing was good because he came in just as I was unhooked and ready to go.
Got home and I actually fell asleep for about an hour. That's a feat on steroids. Maybe I can actually get some sleep tonight. That usually doesn't happen until Friday night. Off to eat my cheerios and take another dose of Metamucil. And pushing water.
Greet The Day was there. Got a nice foot massage. And as soon as this woman placed her hands on me I knew this was a Reiki person. I said Reiki? She said with surprise yes. I told her I was level 3. We had an awesome energy exchange. At the end she said I received more from you than I gave and she thanked me. Greet the Day is a volunteer program and they do the foot massage for free but, most of the therapist who are trained in oncology massage therapy also have massage jobs. So I asked her where she worked. She told me and said she also does stuff on her own. I told I was going to be having surgery at some point and have a really hard time with it. I asked if she would come to the hospital when I come out of recovery and give me a treatment and she gave me her card and said absolutily she would do this and told me just to call her. I'm going to do this as soon as I have a surgery date and talk to my surgeon. I really think this will help me. Depending on when my surgery is and what time I might also talk to my internist. She is a Reiki master and came and gave me Reiki when I had trouble with my gallbladder surgery. Plus she gave me Xanax and that pulled me out of it. Also my insurance paid for it because she was able to bill it as a hospital visit which it was. So I might do that but, see this woman for an oncology massage before surgery. Look up Greet the Day they have a website and I think its a great organization.
Other great news, no reaction this time. Who knows why. So we were done by 2:30pm but, we didn't start treatment until about 10:30 because I had a list of things to go over with the nurse before we started. So total time for chemo was about 4 hours. Maybe even a little less with the vein search. List of things I went over. Well for starters I gave her one of the GUM toothbrushes that my Auntie E. sent me because when I talked to my PA on Monday she didn't know what those were. I didn't even know they exsisted and mouth sores can be a real big problem for chemo patients. She is going to share the tooth brush and info I shared with the doctors in the office. So my Auntie E. has contributed more than just to my treatment and will be helping others. Love you.
I also got a letter yesterday from my lab stating that Dr. Barth had these other things tested on my tumor tissue. I wasn't aware he had other stuff tested besides the oncotype dx test and because I just got the letter, I didn't know if he even had the results back. So I asked the nurse to check. We all got busy with other stuff and well I forgot and so did she. But, I'll be seeing him after the 6th of July and I know he will have the results by then so, I'll just ask him. He's the only one that can go over that stuff with me anyway so no biggie.
Chris sat with me most of the time today. Dad sat with me the first hour and then here comes Chris. He was a little outraged because he had gone up to the receptionist, who is really nice and loves my hats, and said can I go into the back and sit with my mother and she reply no you can't go be with your mother. Well, my kid being literal said OK and then she said of course you can go back and be with your mother go on back. He was outraged. He said ok I knew then that she was messing with me but I don't think that was nice. When someone wants to be with their mother people shouldn't mess around like that. I said well, I know her and she was probably just trying to lighten the mood by making an attempt to mess with you and she didn't leave you hanging long before she told you go on back. He said yea but, I thought she was serious until she said of course you can go back and I didn't like it. All I can say is good thing she didn't drag it out or mess with the kid long because I think he was probably on the verge of blowing after he said OK. I think an explosion was most likely in the makings. I can't blame him.
So beside the extra poke which I can tell is not going to leave a bruise or anything because she yanked it right back out when it wasn't going to work and didn't try to poke around thank God. It was a good round. My kid amazed me again by coming back into chemo land and finding me. Sitting there for a good three hours while watching his mother get poison poured into her. And when they started the chemo that I have had the reaction to he was watching the clock and every ten or fifteen minutes he would ask me if I felt anything. He also noticed the small air bubbles that sometimes get into an IV. He somehow instinctively knew that could be a bad thing and he panicked a bit until I explained that small bubbles don't do anything it has to be the whole line of air going in to create a bubble in your blood that can cause trouble. He still didn't like it and when one would form he would watch it go down the line and poof into my vein. Then frown. Yea I had to reassure him a lot. Then my nurse came by and I explained to her his concerns and she took the time to reassure him. He seemed to relax after that. Mom and Dad popped their heads in once in a while to see how it was going. And Dad's timing was good because he came in just as I was unhooked and ready to go.
Got home and I actually fell asleep for about an hour. That's a feat on steroids. Maybe I can actually get some sleep tonight. That usually doesn't happen until Friday night. Off to eat my cheerios and take another dose of Metamucil. And pushing water.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Hats!
Due to the generosity of a friend (S)., I have three new hats! From the Hat Shop at the Shoreline mall in Long Beach. What a great store! Huge amount of hats in all styles. Bequi was kind enough to chauffeur me to the store and help with picking them out. I got a brown bowler and added a feather, a fedora with some pretty blue stitching on it and a black bucket hat with a floral pattern and sequins on it. I love my hats and the experience was a great pick me up before facing round 4.
The receptionist at my doctor's office loves to see which hat I'm wearing. Now I have some new ones! Just have to decide on which one to wear tomorrow.
The receptionist at my doctor's office loves to see which hat I'm wearing. Now I have some new ones! Just have to decide on which one to wear tomorrow.
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