Life with an Ex, Blog Dilema and Other Weirdness

I started this blog to keep family and friends informed on what was happening with me in regards to my breast cancer. It then morphed into this therapeutic outlet for me. And now I find it shifting gears as I find myself no longer in the cancer hot seat. So I thought of starting a new blog because dang it, now writing has become a habit and I find I miss it when I step away too long. So do I start a new blog? I have decided not to because I think there is value in having it morph and change. Believe it or not I have had a few people tell me "I sat down and read your whole blog." Well, God bless them. The thought of that is rather frightening really but, maybe it's good. Good for someone to see it morph and see the cancer take a back seat. So I'm just shifting the focus. I think the title still applies!

So life with an ex. I debated about writing about him here because of a couple of reasons. One, issues pop up here and there and it's not constant. And two, and the bigger reason is I'm not sure if he has my blog address. I think he does because I think he asked for it to give to his mother. Oh Lord so there is reason three. But, damn it, it's my life and my blog and you can just go read the thousands and thousands of other blogs out there if you don't like this one.

I went to Barnes and Noble to get my son the latest Rick Riordan (however you spell his name sorry) book and ran into my ex. He was getting the same book. And it was all strained and weird and he was weird about it. We spoke for a few minutes and then bye bye. And here is the thing. I was married to the man for 18 years. Eighteen. We had a child together. And now it's like he is a stranger. Only that isn't really the truth. The truth is he is the same and I'm the one who is not. I'm the stranger and it's just all weird and just how, how does that happen is a mystery to me. But there it is. We don't have a lot of contact with each other since our son is 17. But what little we do is strained and weird. It is what it is and it's weird.

In other weirdness, when I went to check out at the ole Barnes and Noble I had three books. The book for my son, a Jumpin Jim 365 songs for the ukulele book for me and a gift book for a friend's daughter which was 1000 steam punk items picture book. Pretty eclectic I'll admit. The guy who checked me out (not that kind of check out but purchases check out) looked at me and said "either you are a geek or you know someone who is a geek". I said "I'm a geek and pretty much everyone I know is a geek. Geeks are just more interesting don't you think?" and he says "Yeah, LOOK." and he rolls up his sleeve and shows me a tattoo on his forearm. You know Dr. Seuss One Fish, Two Fish, Blue Fish or whatever that one is called something like that? Well he had blue fish from Dr. Seuss tattooed on his fore arm. I look at the guy and say "you do know there is a difference between weird and geek because that well, is leaning more towards weird. Not sure that is really geek." He looks stunned, but really? I'm not buying that as geek. Nope just not.

And I outed myself. Yep. I think that was the first time I publicly admitted to being a geek. And I realized at that moment that I've always been a geek. A closet geek but a geek. And my geekdom has been squished because my ex is anti geek. And for years (see above 18) I kept that part of me under wraps. Oh sure it would peak out sometimes like a slip peaking out beneath the hem of a dress but I would quickly pull it up by it's straps. No, no can't let that show. But, now I'm just letting the geek out. Full force.

The I went to the Whole Foods next to the Barnes and Noble and saw this:



Yeppers that was in the parking lot. And I want to think that was paint but I suspect that is carved into the car. And that heart thing just confuses me because I'm not sure if this says Jesus Christ loves you or Jesus Christ, love you. I guess we are all entitled to get our freak on. But it's this crap that give Christianity a bad name.

What else, well I got to get a move on prepping the house more. Next up I've got to get painting estimate. The interior needs to be painted and I'm going to have to have it carpeted I've decided. So moving on that. I need to get renters in there.

We are all settling in here. The dogs are settling down. We all are really. We have all had a bought of some sort of flu. My dad had it the worse and is almost over it but my mom is at the peak of misery today. My dad hit his peak the other night and came down at midnight to tell me he was ready to go to intensive care. Now. Well, he was miserable and had he taken anything? No. So two Advil and back to bed he went. Son and I had it but much milder and are both over it. Neither of us went to the misery place.

And Steve Jobs died and I really don't want to watch another good company go down the crapper.