Being a Parent

Being a parent is a thankless job. In fact it's worse than that. It's a job that is judged and criticized. And yes I get that it is the most important job on the earth. I get that some people fail miserably and blatantly. I get that some people enter into parenthood by accident and don't put the child first and can't provide for it. I get all that. But, most of us are doing the best we can. For most of us our kids are going to survive our parental fuck ups. But it seems we are doomed for a damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Keeping an eye on your kid? Involved in their lives? Dang, are you a PART of their lives? Are you trying to help them navigate themselves into adulthood? If you answered yes, then let me tell you, society is going to view you as hovering. AND God forbid something "bad" should happen to your kid, even at no fault of your own, society is going to say you weren't watching them.

So what prompted this outrage today? The office clerk at OCC that's who. My son is going to go there this fall. I'm trying to get him into the college orientation class for high school students this semester. But, because he is a high school student we had to turn in a concurrent enrollment form stating what class he wants to take at the college while still in high school. And the principal has to sign it along with his parent. Well, both those things are ME.

So off we go to OCC to turn in the concurrently enrolled form so he can take a course at OCC that is for high school students. Yeah go figure. My son handed in the form. The lady looks at ME and asks ME "is this a second 8 week semester class?" I tell her "It's the college orientation class for high school students." She glances at the form and then says "Okay." and tosses it in a box and then just stares at me.

So I asked "So, when that gets processed I can enroll him online into the class?" and she replies "When that gets processed HE can enroll in the class online. HE is going to need how to do that." I replied "Thank you." and left. Outraged.

YES I'm going to show my son and walk him through how to enroll online. Damn it, it was just grammar! The woman was looking at ME. My son handed her the form but did she ever LOOK at the kid. NO. And so I was slammed as a hover mom today.

LOUD internal dialog went "No shit Sherlock yes I'm going to SHOW him how to sign up for class online but someone needs to show your judgmental dumb ass how to do YOUR job because you didn't even look at that form or notice that hover mom here, signed as parent and principal!"

I didn't open that can of worms and I'm hoping the next paper pusher in line is as observant and caring as this lady was and it's not an issue. I had my R4/PSA ready to go.

I'm still pissed. I've been through a lot these last couple of years and already feel like I've failed my kid in so many ways. And now this nobody is slamming me for helping my kid navigate! I know, I know, no they weren't events that were my fault but, that is how parental guilt rolls.

My saving grace is my son though. Amazing is what he is. I'm ranting on the way to the car. Four letter words flying through the air on the way back to the escape me from this bullshit vehicle. And I say to the kid "How did that make you feel? Were you embarrassed? Do you feel like I'm a hover mom?" My son says "Jesus mom it was two sentences. I didn't really care. But my opinion is that she was over the line. I'm NOT her kid."

AND really that says it ALL.

Next time someone is giving you shit about what you are doing with your kid remember that's YOUR kid.

How's this for a t-shirt

He/She is NOT your kid.

Or

NOT YOUR KID

Or

Shut up, I'm trying to parent and you're not helping.

I'll admit it. I've judged others parenting. Yes I have. Haven't we all? It's almost impossible not to. But, dang it every time I have, it's either come back to bite me in the ass OR I've felt really bad because we are all doing our best OR I've later come to realize, oh wow they did know what was best for their kid after all.

So when the judging bug hits me I'm going to remember this:

Not my kid.