Prognosis

If you have read my blog in the early days you know how I feel about prognosis. Stats that are fairly meaningless but they are all we have. So here's the deal with chemo I have a 8% chance of recurrence which I prefer to look at as a 92% that it won't come back. That's pretty damned good. Don't know if you get those odds when we leave the house but out the front door we go.

That has not changed. I still have the same prognosis which is pretty damned good.

Just back to plan A

The plan when I finished round 4 of chemo was that I would have an MRI and if the tumor was still there it would be needle biopsied (again it would have been the 3rd time) and that would be tested to see if I would benefit from additional chemo. If nothing showed up on the MRI then I would go to surgery and if something showed up in the pathology (which it did) then it would be tested to see if I would benefit from more chemo. This is still the plan we just thought we caught a detour but we didn't.

What I'm disheartened about the most is that a 1.6cm tumor was undectable on a MRI and mammogram. I know I already stated this but, I had read and been told that anything larger than .5cm could be seen.

My advice is that if you feel something and you go for a mammogram and they tell you there's nothing there....pitch a fit. For, in the future, if I can feel something and no one can see it on a scan I'm doing what we did this time. I'm having it surgically removed.

Pleomorphic Nuclei

pleomorphic

Occurring in various distinct forms. In terms of cells, having variation in the size and shape of cells or their nuclei. So now after chemo the cells looked more uniformed. Less variation amongst them. I know this is a good thing in the cancer world.

I just had to be right

I knew the fucker wasn't gone. It was hiding really well. I saw the MRI before and after. I saw the mammogram before and after. It was hiding I think behind the scar tissue and other crap. Here is proof, solid proof that while a mammogram is all we have, we don't have a good early detection system. The tumor had shrunk from 2.5cm to 1.6cm which means a cancer tumor of 1.6cm was able to be undetected on a MRI and mammogram. Fuck the imagery I knew I was still feeling something.

So what do we have? The chemo did a lot. It shrunk the tumor significantly so that my surgeon had an easier time. I got clean margins which means she got it all and I don't have to have a second surgery. I had a negative lymph node so the cancer didn't go into the lymph nodes. What else? The grade of cancer dropped from 3 to 2. Chemo killed the cancer enough to change how aggressive it is. The Ki-67 (how fast its growing) has gone from high proliferation 80% to low less than 5% (this is huge). Mitosis score dropped from a 3 (highest you can get) to 1 (lowest you can get). According to the pathology report the cancer cells look different than they originally did. They have smaller less pleomorphic nuclei. What does that mean? I don't know either, will be looking it up but its part of what down graded the cancer from a 3 to 2.

In the end, my oncologist is not going to be happy. I'm bracing myself for more chemo which I'm sure he is going to want to do. I have a high recurrence score.

Well, shit on a stick.

Life's detours

This whole ordeal with breast cancer was a gigantic detour in my life. And like all detours it was an inconvenient, out of my way, not where I wanted to go, why the hell is it taking me this way, what? we could have gone over there, why does this have to be happening now? pain in the ass (and other body parts).

Radiation is yet to come and I'm not done yet but, at the moment I have a pretty shitty attitude because I'm bored. Yes, I can honestly say that at this moment I'm bored with breast cancer. I don't want to read any else about it, I don't want to see a pink ribbon or anything else breast cancer related for that matter. No I don't want to walk in a for the cause walk. I just want my life back.

I think this is temporary and one of those "7 parts of going through a shitty part of your life" that you read about. You know, denial, acceptance, etc. I think this one is called pissed.

When anxiety diminishes....

So does the number of blog entries. Funny how that works.

Also had a nice melt down last night. Water works galore. Can't blubber when someone is sticking wires into your numbed up boob but, you sure can blubber about it after. My mom held me while I release. She said you don't have to be brave now let it out. Slept good so it was needed.

Update: called my surgeon about the attached gauze and she said that often it comes off while bathing and if not on Thursday she will remove it. More came off today.

I can see hair on my head. Yes its filling in. I am now able to rub my hand across it and get that ocean sound again just like when Bequi first buzzed it. It's not as thick as that yet so the sound isn't as loud but it's getting there.

Reveal Day!

Off came the ace bandage from hell today. Oh my no wonder my back was killing me. I knew it was tight but that was crazy.

I have an incision along the side of my breast and a smaller one at the very bottom part of my arm pit where she removed the sentinel node. I have gauze stuck the incision on the breast and I'm leaving it alone. I'll call the doctor tomorrow to let her know.

Wearing a sports bra now that closes up the front and that seems to be giving me enough support.

So how does it look? Its a bit swollen but I can't really tell much difference from the way it looked before. Well aside from the fact that its battered and bruised, size and shape wise it looks like it did before but swollen, battered and bruised.

My mom helped with the whole process and she said I don't think she took much out. I have no idea how much she ended up having to take.

I feel emotionally good with it.