Down to the end

Well we are approaching the finish line. I'm pretty sure I can now count on one hand how many herceptin infusions I have left. I think it's three but, it looks like it might actually be four bringing the end Sept 13th. Some controversy amongst the nursing staff so on the 7th I will be seeing the big guy Dr. Barth and find out. And also feel out what's on my plate for the future as far as follow up frequency.

In the mean time I'm still on a job hunt.

And contemplating life.

I just want to get up in the morning, go to a job, do the best I can and feel I contributed, go home and be with my family. Be the best person I can be. Be a good mother, daughter and friend.

Seems like a reasonable and obtainable goal.

I know, I know I'm already doing these things except for the job part. But, there's this weird misplaced twisted guilt thing that happens when you have walked through fire. You feel like you have dragged many through the fire with you. And I have, although I know those that have gone with me wouldn't have it any other way. And even though rationally I didn't ask for the disease, I still feel responsible for putting those in my life through this whole horrific ordeal.

Rationally I know it's all twisted up but emotionally there it is.

Well, the xanax should be kicking in a minute.