Who am I?

So, the other day my cherished Bequi says to me "Pam, you have to accept that not everyone can take in an amassed amount of information and just go, here." And she holds out her hands. I said, "you mean they can't bottom line it?" We were talking about making breast cancer decisions. Yes. I took in a ton of information including what my doctors had to say and made a clear cut decision on what I wanted to do. And I haven't looked back. I'm as solid in those decisions today as I was a year ago. And isn't that what everyone does? No. No it isn't. So, where has this ability come from? This has been swirling around my brain for the last few days and this is what I've come up with.

I've always had a strong sense of self. Of who I am. A strong autonomy. Sure as I've matured my opinions have changed. Views, beliefs, attitudes and etc. but, the core of who I am has remained the same. Much like a tree, I have a solid trunk and roots. The branches have swirled around in the changing wind and my leaves have dropped and re-grown but, the trunk and roots, I have always been able to depend on. I know who I am. I trust myself.

Today, as I was entering Whole Foods I saw a lesbian couple. The women were seniors. I would hazard to guess late 60s early 70s. Oh dear Lord forgive me, I just senior profiled two women! I'm guilty. But, I didn't ask if they needed help with any stairs!

I'm at the deli waiting for the holy roast beast of happiness to be sliced when the two of them come up and are gandering at the cheese. One of them wonders off to the hot food item counter. The remaining one didn't see her wonder off as she is engrossed in the heaven of cheeses. Then she looks up. She looks around. She is wondering where her partner went. Not a panicked oh my God where did she go, but rather a dang it, I wanted to ask her something and now where is she, look. She caught my eye and I said "your partner is over at the hot item counter.". She glances over and then she looks back at me. And now, her eyes are tearing up and her lip is trembling and I think oh shit, she is about to start crying. And she says brokenly to me "thank you". And I know she is not thanking me for pointing out where her partner went but, rather thanking me for acknowledging who she is. And what do you say to someone you made on the verge of tears? Nothing. I said nothing but held out my arms and we hugged and parted ways without a word spoken.

I don't know when that woman was able to be who she really is or how strong her trunk and roots are but, I suspect this did not happen until later in life. How many doubtful decisions has she had to make because she couldn't trust herself? Because she wasn't truly who she was. I think those of us with strong trunks and roots should try to shelter those without. I don't know how to do this exactly but, a hug, I think was good.