But not really. More like switching apartments but staying in the same complex? I'm sticking with blogger because learning a whole new blogger way is too daunting right now.
So go check out www.lifeismessycleanitup.blogspot.com
I've put a test. And I'll be messing with it and trying to move there so I can use the widgets again!
Ugh.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Sticking around
I went to Hoag today for the complimentary yoga classes they have for their patients. I qualify.
It was nice and surprisingly rather emotional. It was at the cancer center. The center you go to and they do unpleasant things to you. The place where I was radiated and the place where they shoot me in the butt with my lupron. I love Hoag, don't get me wrong, but it isn't a place that gives me warm fuzzies, like Wal-mart. So, it was nice to go for something well, nice for a change.
There were twelve of us. And at one point during yoga I thought, we are all survivors and we are fighting for our lives. We are taking the time for ourselves because we want to stick around longer. And for a moment I felt that being in a separate boat thing that you can feel when you've been diagnosed with cancer. But, then I had a moment of clarity where I realized (not for the first time) that we are all in the same boat. Even when we think we are not. We are. And don't we all want to stick around longer? Don't we take care of ourselves because we all want to stick around?
It put exercise into a different light for me.
And then in the middle of class someone new to yoga shouted out "hey, when do we get to the relaxing part?"
It was beautiful.
It was nice and surprisingly rather emotional. It was at the cancer center. The center you go to and they do unpleasant things to you. The place where I was radiated and the place where they shoot me in the butt with my lupron. I love Hoag, don't get me wrong, but it isn't a place that gives me warm fuzzies, like Wal-mart. So, it was nice to go for something well, nice for a change.
There were twelve of us. And at one point during yoga I thought, we are all survivors and we are fighting for our lives. We are taking the time for ourselves because we want to stick around longer. And for a moment I felt that being in a separate boat thing that you can feel when you've been diagnosed with cancer. But, then I had a moment of clarity where I realized (not for the first time) that we are all in the same boat. Even when we think we are not. We are. And don't we all want to stick around longer? Don't we take care of ourselves because we all want to stick around?
It put exercise into a different light for me.
And then in the middle of class someone new to yoga shouted out "hey, when do we get to the relaxing part?"
It was beautiful.
The bad and the ugly
But it gets to good again. So I need to finish last week so I can get to this week. My time flies.
Monday did come and with it my homework was due for my Quickbooks class I'm taking. I got it done but, on Tuesday found out I had made a mistake somewhere along the line. But, by Wednesday at noon, I still hadn't found it and gave up. The worse part was that I had a test that night and the data from the homework was going to be used for the test. So I knew I was pretty much fucked for the test as well. And then at 4pm the light bulb goes on. From no where I knew where the mistake was. So now I'm jamming like crazy to get it fixed and print all the corrections out and I flew out the door at 5:40 pm to make it to my 6:00pm class. Now mind you, I have to say the teacher is a Nazi. She will ding you points for every little thing and gets off on it. Sicko. Anyway, I ran to class. Literally RAN. And those of you that know me, know I don't do run. The last time I ran to class was probably in high school. And honestly I'm not sure I ever even bothered before to run to class. I made it. Made it by the skin of my teeth. Only to discover I had left my student ID number at home. AND you need that to sign onto the computer. Fuck me. I just busted my ass to fix the homework, so the numbers would be right for the test and I can't even take the fucking thing, because I left my student ID number at home. So I go to the Nazi teacher and ask her if there is anyway she can look it up. And she tells me she can but, it will take her a little while. Okay fine, what else am I going to do? I go back to my computer and dig out my 3X5 note card we are allowed to write notes on and use during a test to discover...I had written my ID on the card. Why, I have no idea but it was probably the smartest thing I've ever done.
And in that moment, I discovered that I don't have as good of filters as I thought. Or because of what I've been through it really is all about me. Or because I'm turning fifty this year it REALLY is all about me. I know I've gone to the it's all about me universe. I know it. And I know those of you that know me, put up with my ass now that I'm in that universe and I appreciate that. I truly do. But, the glaring example of the it's all about me and my filters have eroded to non-existence, happened in that moment, when my eyes hit that ID number on the 3X5 card, because I just walked up to the front of the class and stood right in front of Nazi teacher and declared in great relief "Look! I wrote it down on my card, I don't need you to look it up after all!" She looked at me like I had lost my fucking mind, which I think at this point I had, because it wasn't until that very moment that I realized she was talking to the class. She looked at me rather stunned and said "That's good." Probably because she didn't know what else to say.
Sigh. Yes one of my finer moments.
Tuesday I went and had my mammogram. Everything is good. Saw my surgeon she is doing well and is happy with me. I went on Wednesday to my internist who shot my finger up with some herbal stuff. I'm hoping this will help and I am getting some relief. But, I didn't time things so well because Thursday I saw my cerebral warrior. And he wasn't too impressed with the finger shooting up with herbal concoction. He was non committal. Literally. Just looked and said nothing. Sigh. But, he is rather happy with how I am doing as well. I'm on half dosage with the letrozole and he tested to see how my estrogen levels are doing on the half dosage. I haven't heard anything so If I don't I won't go back to see him until July. I do have to have a CT scan. Just follow up. And am waiting for that to be scheduled once they get the approval from my insurance. But, Dr. Barth just wants that done before he sees me in July so, there is no rush.
Then Thursday, I went to Disneyland in the evening with a lovely friend and her daughter. It was a nice way to unwind from the crazy week.
And that was the good, the bad and the ugly!
Monday did come and with it my homework was due for my Quickbooks class I'm taking. I got it done but, on Tuesday found out I had made a mistake somewhere along the line. But, by Wednesday at noon, I still hadn't found it and gave up. The worse part was that I had a test that night and the data from the homework was going to be used for the test. So I knew I was pretty much fucked for the test as well. And then at 4pm the light bulb goes on. From no where I knew where the mistake was. So now I'm jamming like crazy to get it fixed and print all the corrections out and I flew out the door at 5:40 pm to make it to my 6:00pm class. Now mind you, I have to say the teacher is a Nazi. She will ding you points for every little thing and gets off on it. Sicko. Anyway, I ran to class. Literally RAN. And those of you that know me, know I don't do run. The last time I ran to class was probably in high school. And honestly I'm not sure I ever even bothered before to run to class. I made it. Made it by the skin of my teeth. Only to discover I had left my student ID number at home. AND you need that to sign onto the computer. Fuck me. I just busted my ass to fix the homework, so the numbers would be right for the test and I can't even take the fucking thing, because I left my student ID number at home. So I go to the Nazi teacher and ask her if there is anyway she can look it up. And she tells me she can but, it will take her a little while. Okay fine, what else am I going to do? I go back to my computer and dig out my 3X5 note card we are allowed to write notes on and use during a test to discover...I had written my ID on the card. Why, I have no idea but it was probably the smartest thing I've ever done.
And in that moment, I discovered that I don't have as good of filters as I thought. Or because of what I've been through it really is all about me. Or because I'm turning fifty this year it REALLY is all about me. I know I've gone to the it's all about me universe. I know it. And I know those of you that know me, put up with my ass now that I'm in that universe and I appreciate that. I truly do. But, the glaring example of the it's all about me and my filters have eroded to non-existence, happened in that moment, when my eyes hit that ID number on the 3X5 card, because I just walked up to the front of the class and stood right in front of Nazi teacher and declared in great relief "Look! I wrote it down on my card, I don't need you to look it up after all!" She looked at me like I had lost my fucking mind, which I think at this point I had, because it wasn't until that very moment that I realized she was talking to the class. She looked at me rather stunned and said "That's good." Probably because she didn't know what else to say.
Sigh. Yes one of my finer moments.
Tuesday I went and had my mammogram. Everything is good. Saw my surgeon she is doing well and is happy with me. I went on Wednesday to my internist who shot my finger up with some herbal stuff. I'm hoping this will help and I am getting some relief. But, I didn't time things so well because Thursday I saw my cerebral warrior. And he wasn't too impressed with the finger shooting up with herbal concoction. He was non committal. Literally. Just looked and said nothing. Sigh. But, he is rather happy with how I am doing as well. I'm on half dosage with the letrozole and he tested to see how my estrogen levels are doing on the half dosage. I haven't heard anything so If I don't I won't go back to see him until July. I do have to have a CT scan. Just follow up. And am waiting for that to be scheduled once they get the approval from my insurance. But, Dr. Barth just wants that done before he sees me in July so, there is no rush.
Then Thursday, I went to Disneyland in the evening with a lovely friend and her daughter. It was a nice way to unwind from the crazy week.
And that was the good, the bad and the ugly!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
The Good, The Bad and...
The ugly. That was how this past week went. So...let's see, yes let's start with the good.
Went camping last weekend with friends to Caspers. Have you been to Caspers off the Ortega Highway? I highly recommend it. It was glorious. Yes we had some mutiny on our hands because we drove all the way down there in the pouring down rain. It looked bleak folks. Yes it did. But, we were determined to at least give it a try. We had a beautiful site. I can recommend site number 27. I want to camp there again next time. It was covered with two huge trees which had kept the ground from getting...well, too muddy. It was barely sprinkling when we got there so the tent went up and our gear went in and then...down pour! Perfect timing. And the down pour lasted just enough time. Time to enjoy being in "weather" without getting miserable. Well, except I really needed to pee and the sound of the pouring rain didn't help.
The next day was beautiful. In the morning we walked up to the visitors center and watch a nice video about the park, had some hot coffee and enjoyed the look-out tower viewing thinging whatever you want to call it.
And we found out they were having a free event that day. Adventure day. We got a free tractor pulled hayride up to the event. There was live hootenanny music and all. Nice booths from various organizations. Got some free passes to the OC Zoo. Didn't even know we had a OC zoo. AND I won a Galileo thermometer in the raffle!
We took a short hike the next day on the closed trail. Yes it was closed but we went anyway. Through the 350 year old oak tree grove. Yes it is magical.
And that was the good. Nice way to celebrate a friend's birthday I must say.
Went camping last weekend with friends to Caspers. Have you been to Caspers off the Ortega Highway? I highly recommend it. It was glorious. Yes we had some mutiny on our hands because we drove all the way down there in the pouring down rain. It looked bleak folks. Yes it did. But, we were determined to at least give it a try. We had a beautiful site. I can recommend site number 27. I want to camp there again next time. It was covered with two huge trees which had kept the ground from getting...well, too muddy. It was barely sprinkling when we got there so the tent went up and our gear went in and then...down pour! Perfect timing. And the down pour lasted just enough time. Time to enjoy being in "weather" without getting miserable. Well, except I really needed to pee and the sound of the pouring rain didn't help.
The next day was beautiful. In the morning we walked up to the visitors center and watch a nice video about the park, had some hot coffee and enjoyed the look-out tower viewing thinging whatever you want to call it.
And we found out they were having a free event that day. Adventure day. We got a free tractor pulled hayride up to the event. There was live hootenanny music and all. Nice booths from various organizations. Got some free passes to the OC Zoo. Didn't even know we had a OC zoo. AND I won a Galileo thermometer in the raffle!
We took a short hike the next day on the closed trail. Yes it was closed but we went anyway. Through the 350 year old oak tree grove. Yes it is magical.
And that was the good. Nice way to celebrate a friend's birthday I must say.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Anniversary
Oh look a bonus. Two posts on the same night.
I was terribly remiss in posting on my anniversary. Like I said I can't remember jack shit but, on April 1st it was my two year anniversary of...being diagnosed.
So that makes me a 2 year survivor. I still like NED (no evidence of disease) though.
And what do I get for an anniversary gift? Well, I go for a mammogram on the 17th and I'll see Dr. Barth on the 19th and we will chat more about the letrozole. Yeah that's the AI that is giving me trouble. Small joint pain. I stopped taking it for the month of November then in December tried a different AI but I didn't like that one. Gave me anxiety like I need more of that. So I went back to the letrozole but half dose. Dr. Barth is okay with me taking half dose but isn't sure I'll be okay on this for the next well, four years. I have added glucosamine, chonroitin and msm to the regime and that is helping. My weight is up and I'm not happy with that. And I'm still having problem with my index finger not being able to bend it well. I'm seeing my internist now for that and today I went and had an xray of my neck area because I think it is stemming from there. So she wanted that checked out before we proceed. I want to try acupuncture for it as my internist is now trained in that area. So I'll report back on how all that goes.
Happy Anniversary to ME!
Love you all
I was terribly remiss in posting on my anniversary. Like I said I can't remember jack shit but, on April 1st it was my two year anniversary of...being diagnosed.
So that makes me a 2 year survivor. I still like NED (no evidence of disease) though.
And what do I get for an anniversary gift? Well, I go for a mammogram on the 17th and I'll see Dr. Barth on the 19th and we will chat more about the letrozole. Yeah that's the AI that is giving me trouble. Small joint pain. I stopped taking it for the month of November then in December tried a different AI but I didn't like that one. Gave me anxiety like I need more of that. So I went back to the letrozole but half dose. Dr. Barth is okay with me taking half dose but isn't sure I'll be okay on this for the next well, four years. I have added glucosamine, chonroitin and msm to the regime and that is helping. My weight is up and I'm not happy with that. And I'm still having problem with my index finger not being able to bend it well. I'm seeing my internist now for that and today I went and had an xray of my neck area because I think it is stemming from there. So she wanted that checked out before we proceed. I want to try acupuncture for it as my internist is now trained in that area. So I'll report back on how all that goes.
Happy Anniversary to ME!
Love you all
Life's lessons, observations, tips and tricks
You only need to be able to sew reasonably straight if you use....invisible thread. Who knew and the color matches everything.
Do not watch a cooking show while cooking because you will panic thinking what the hell is sizzling, nothing should be sizzling and then you realize it's the TV. What the cooking show has on is sizzling. Save yourself some panic.
What else....oh you know that smart pop popcorn that is 98 percent fat free and fewer calories? It tastes really good with melted butter poured on it.
No matter what a good idea it seems to use your parking brake on your car, if this is not a habit of yours already don't try and make it one. You will just forget to release the parking break thus drive around until you wonder what the fuck is that smell and why is that light on. Oh. I really don't know what the parking break is for. Have never used one and trying to start didn't go well.
I've gotten warm and fuzzy with the reality that I can not remember jack shit. So I write myself notes. If you see me wearing a name tag someday...yeah it got that bad.
I also seem to be obtaining skills that would put David Copperfield and Houndini to shame. I can make something disappear in a blink of an eye. Now if I could just make it reappear.
I really want the iPhone 4S. Well, what I really want is Siri. In fact I'm pretty sure I need Siri. It will be my back up brain.
Do not watch a cooking show while cooking because you will panic thinking what the hell is sizzling, nothing should be sizzling and then you realize it's the TV. What the cooking show has on is sizzling. Save yourself some panic.
What else....oh you know that smart pop popcorn that is 98 percent fat free and fewer calories? It tastes really good with melted butter poured on it.
No matter what a good idea it seems to use your parking brake on your car, if this is not a habit of yours already don't try and make it one. You will just forget to release the parking break thus drive around until you wonder what the fuck is that smell and why is that light on. Oh. I really don't know what the parking break is for. Have never used one and trying to start didn't go well.
I've gotten warm and fuzzy with the reality that I can not remember jack shit. So I write myself notes. If you see me wearing a name tag someday...yeah it got that bad.
I also seem to be obtaining skills that would put David Copperfield and Houndini to shame. I can make something disappear in a blink of an eye. Now if I could just make it reappear.
I really want the iPhone 4S. Well, what I really want is Siri. In fact I'm pretty sure I need Siri. It will be my back up brain.
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