Friday, July 30, 2010

Surgery Complete!

Had surgery at 9am and was home by 2pm. Better darn good. No nausea and for me and surgery that was a mircle in itself. I have to thank Helen for the guided imagery pod cast. They made all the difference. I could feel myself feeling calmer and calmer each day about the surgery. I'm saving those pod cast and if anyone knows of anyone going for surgery let me know so I can forward the link.

So here is how the day went down for those interested:

Whole family got to stay with me from beginning until they took my off to the OR. That was nice since I was told that at one point only one person could be with me. But, that didn't happen.

5:30 am checked in and got my first wrist band by the end of the day I had three on my arm and I have no idea how they all got there. Two were duplicates and one was my allergy band.

Up to the third floor to check in and sign paper work. Then they took me to a room where I got naked and but on the fashion gown. This time I had to fasten it in the back. For the last four months all I have heard is put the gown on open in the front but this time nope in the back. The whole gown they gave me unsnapped so I guess that's how they dealt with things. Pre op nurse was there. Took my vitals. Took a pee test. That was the second pregnancy test I have had in a week. So its confirmed no immmaculate conception! Went over allergies (2nd wrist band). Then just waited to be taken to have the wires inserted. I got to chat with Bequi for a while. That was nice.

7:30 they came and wheeled me back down to the first floor to the breast cancer center to put in the wires. My surgeon hopped on the elevator with us. Followed me down and told the radiologist exactly the angle she want the wires inserted for the best cosmetic results. I love my surgeon she is very hands on. Now the fun began. I can say from what I have read there a various ways this can be done and being Hoag I had it done the best way you can. They did a mammogram but not the squeeze of death mammogram since this wasn't for diagnosis but to see where the clips were. I was standing for this and when she was done I asked to see the picture. She showed it to me. Yep there were the three clips and clearly no tumor. I saw what those three clips looked like with the tumor and will always remember what that looked like. No tumor here. Another confirmation it was gone for me and it felt good. Then the radiologist came in we talked. So here's how it went down. They put me in a chair. An elaborate chair all cushy with a high back and it could be hydrolically raised and lower and it was on wheels. So in the chair I go then the wheeled me up to the mammogram machine, adjust the chair, gentle squeeze with the machine. Then the radiologist and nurse go look at the picture and discuss where to insert the needle. There's a hole in the bottom plate and there must be some sort of graph involved because they said things like yea lets go to C24. All I could think of was the game Battle Ship. Then she numbed me up and yes while still in the machine. Then inserted the hollow needle. Didn't feel anything after the injection. Then the second needle (one on each end of tumor bed). Now they took several pics. Decided it all looked good. Then they inserted the actual wires through the hollow needles then removed the needles leaving the wire behind. Then guess what? More pics to make sure the wire were where they needed to be. Ah at last out of the machine. I was told at pre op visit I then be wheeled to nuclear medicine for my radioactive isotope to be injected but, no they came to me. Delivery guy was a cutie putie probably in his twenties. It was a nice break from things. So the nurse tells me that the radiologist will be back in to do the injection and I say ok so I'm not going to really feel anything because I'm numbed up. And she says oh well you not numb were this is going to be injected and I'm not going to lie to you its going to sting quite a bit but it will be fast. It hurts but its really short so just tell yourself its over fast. OK. I'm not so happy now but braced. Crap turned out to be a piece of cake. I hardly felt anything. It involved two injection and it was less painful than the numbing agent. Nurse was shocked when I said what that's it you're kidding me that's nothing. Her and the radiologist were shocked and said your tough. I think maybe the numbing agent works really really well and it did have thing numb. Done. Now off to the pre OR holding room.

8:30 now in the pre OR holding room. Nice nurse puts third wrist band on. We talk about allergies all that good stuff. Then my surgeon comes in to check on me. She is raring to go. Now I meet my anethesiologist, Dr. Torres I love this man. I truly do. He says do you have any reactions and I said I puke. He says ok well, there are things that will make you more likely to puke and I will avoid those and I have stuff to give you before hand and I'll make sure you get those. Then he goes to set up the IV. He start to tie my arm off way to high for where I want the IV. So here I go with the instructions telling him exactly what to do. I love this man love him because he just did what I told him to do. PLUS he says ok I'm going to inject a small amount of numbing agent first. So vein is popped and feel a small prick and then nothing, its numb and then I can feel him put the needle in but no pain just the pressure of the needle going in. I say what? that was sweet. What is that about? and he says yea not everyone does this but, this is how I work. I said let me tell you NO ONE does this but I'm never having an IV again with out it! I couldn't even tell the needle was in there. Nothing is sore tonight. It makes me bitter. I don't know how many damned IV's I have had over the last four months but bastards I feel like I endured a whole lot of fucking pain for nothing! Of course I could be wrong. Maybe I couldn't be numb. Maybe they needed me to be able to feel what was going on but with blood return being what confirms its in the vein I really can't think of what that would be. I'm thinking it comes down to money and time. Fuckers.
But, I love Dr. Torres. Happy juice is administer and off to the OR we go. I'm some what awake in the OR and I can remember saying don't tie my arms down until I'm out. I can remember helping slide onto the table and the mask being put on my face and then zip. Nothing.

0:00 no idea what time it was when I woke up. Was groggy but not nauseus. Sucked in major Reiki and positive energies from all you loving people and managed to stay really really calm. Peaceful. I was in recovery waking up and I was peaceful. Instead of fighting that groggy I stayed peaceful. Would doze for a bit and then when I woke again I would realize I was more coherent. Nurse was talking to me a lot asking how I was doing. My surgeon came and checked on me and said I did great. She came pretty early on so she was a bit fuzzy. But, I just focused on how slowly I was becoming more and more awake and that groggy feeling was going away. There was clock I the wall I could see and from 12:00pm to 12:30 I became really fully awake.

12:30 off to my room where they brought the family in. First things first before they even got there I had to pee. My pee is blue. That would be the dye coming out. Its still blue tonight but light. about 10 minutes later I have to pee again the nurse is there so she helps me out of bed but I'm steady on my feet. When I'm done instead of flushing I come out of the bathroom and say to Chris (my 16 yo son) hey my pee is blue you want to see? He is all excited yea! Well go look and then flush for me. The nurse says its blue from the dye but I don't know what she thought about my son looking at it but, I have found that medical professionals are pretty cool with sharing. I'm sipping water and feeling anxious to get out of Dodge. Nurse comes and says you want to go? Yep.

2:10pm Home. Took about a three hour nap. Then got up and ate. Feeling good tonight.

8:00pm writing this enormous blog entry. No pain. Surgeon wasn't too happy about not sending me home with pain meds but I just throw those up. Told her Tylenol and Xanax plus ice would work for me if I had pain. She gave me extra numbing agent during the operation to help. Keep things numb longer chance to heal and avoid some pain. I don't know. Its a bit sore but I don't think its anything that's going to keep me up. We will see how it is tomorrow.

Other details: yes I'm bound up again tighter than a Christmas goose. But, its not with the stinking binding they use for the needle biopsy. But, pretty much a huge ace bandage around and around and then around my neck to keep it from slipping down and taped the hell out of. She said I could take it off Sunday. Then wear a sports bra 24/7. Now mom needs to go get one that fastens in the front or back. Don't own one that doesn't go over my head. Might have been nice if someone had suggested this before hand. Oh well.

Updates on healing will follow.

Hugs and Love to all.

Post Blog: not editing this so good luck reading to all.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Expert on Breast Cancer

Seems if you have/had breast cancer you are now an expert on the subject. Went to see my internist today. And her nurses say oh oh we have something we want to ask you. OK. So one of them says did they check the other breast? I said oh yes every time they scanned the one they would scan the other. So they have both been mammogramed, 2 MRI and whole body PET scan. Why? So they tell me that they have a patient that just got diagnosed and she already under went surgery to remove both of them. She had the healthy one removed too. And they looked pretty horrified at this. I said well, there are medical reasons for removing both did she say why she decided on this. And they said well, she said she was told that if you have breast cancer in one breast that almost always you will get it in the other one within a couple of years. And the nurses eyes are huge and they ask is this true?! Well, crap. I looked at them and said you guys work for a doctor and you're asking me? They laughed and then said yes. Well, double crap the woman already had the surgery. I said well, all I can tell you is what I was told for my situation by my oncologist was that there was absolutely no reason why I shouldn't have breast conservation surgery. Then one of the nurses said well I just can't help thinking that she was told that for the money, she had decided to have a mastectomy on the one breast with reconstruction done at the same time then she decided to have both done. I said well, its easier for them to make a matching pair then to try and make one match the other so if the woman decided to remove both, no one is going to fight with her much. But, she might have a strong family history and the BRCA 1 and 2 genes if that is the case then she has a 40% chance of developing another breast cancer and with both removed it brings it down to about 5% so that's huge and a medically sound decision. But, there are woman who make this decision solely because of fear. I can't fault them. If you are just going to walk around terrified all the time then who can blame them. Its so individualized.

I think they felt better. Knowing that I was not taking undue risk by keeping mine and hopefully there was a good reason why the other patient had decided not to keep hers.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Hair sort of....

So my hair is making an attempt to grow back. And its a sorry one. You get this fuzzy crap on your head. Oncologist said it would grow back and come in downy at first. I guess downy is a good way to describe it but I can tell you that downy looks better on a duck! This is not hair and it looks like crap. Its all sparse and straggly. So, I took a razor and lightly went over my head. Didn't go smooth as a baby's butt just took off the downy straggly crap. Didn't get it all either but, enough that it's not driving me crazy. And now I can really feel the stubbly stuff that's trying to grow in.

I buzzed my head before chemo and I'll let my hair grow back when I'm ready.

Friday, July 23, 2010

No stitches

FYI. I will not have any stitches. She is going to use glue and steri strips. I feel like an arts and crafts project.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Pre-Op a bit of a fiasco

Saw Brenda this morning at Hoag Hospital. She is with Dr. Guerra my surgeon and gets you all set up for surgery. So she goes over pre op stuff. No eating after mid night, wear lose clothing that buttons or zips up the front that kind of stuff. She time lined out the day giving estimation on how long stuff would take. She is saying surgery should be about 1 1/2 hours. She went over post op. I'll be bound up but not with the stinky binding stuff they used when I had the needle biopsies. Thank goodness. Got a little pillow to put under my arm pit. Apparently this helps a lot with the area where they take out the lymph node. Makes sense. Arm pit, arm resting there, put pillow to protect it. Seems most likely I will not have a drain. Usually that only happens if you have an axiallary lymph node dissection where they remove the whole section of nodes. I'm only having 1 to 5 removed. After that we were off for lab work. I needed an EKG only since already had a chest X-Ray back in April during my chemo round 1 that landed me in the hospital. They took one then. But, Dr. Barth wanted my iron checked during this week so I had those orders with me and they said they could do it there. Great one less trip. So after a ton of paper work that several different people shuffled through off to the lab I go. I give the woman there all the lab orders and take a seat. Shortly I get called back to have the blood draw. Guy looks over my veins and doesn't look happy. He goes and gets a hot pack to try and get something to pop up. He puts the pack on my fore arm. I say is that where your going to try? He says yes but its going to be a hard stick. I say oh no, this is where you are going to tie it off and put the hot pack right there on that vein and it will pop. He looks at me so doubtful and I say yea I know it looks bad but, that's old faithful. He does what I say and after about a minute he removes the hot pack and is surprised. All went well. Then I go back to the waiting area to wait to get called for the EKG. This is where the fiasco starts. Two people get called to go to EKG that I know I was before. My dad says he I know we were here before them. And I say well dad we are not exactly standing in line at the bank so I don't know how they have this set up. So we wait and then this tech comes out from where they are doing the blood draws she looks at me and says are you waiting for a blood draw? No I already had that, waiting for EKG. She says let me check and I follow her to the check in desk. Where they can't find my orders. Now there are several people behind the desk shuffling frantically through a pile of paper. They do find it and tell me I'm next. Nope. They called someone else. So I go ask nicely just to make sure I didn't get lost again. This woman just came out behind the desk and gave me my orders and took me to where the EKGs were being done. The tech had grabbed the wrong set of orders. She was suppose to take mine next but, for some reason didn't.

Who knows. Maybe we were suppose to be there an extra hour.

Anyway they are also doing a pregnancy test. Whew that will sure be a load off my mind!

And Brenda told me "on the day of surgery do not wear any make up, no deorderant, no lotions, no nothing." I said "so I need to come naked."

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Where does bravery come from?

I have been told that I'm brave. My oncologist said it. Many of my friends have said it. I don't particulary feel brave. But, then I was asked how was I facing this? I have also been asked how can I still be cheerful and smiling? I answered these questions without much thought with something along the line of well you just do what you have to do. But, these questions have stuck with me and have been floating around in my brain. So I sat with them. Where have I gotten my bravery from? I know now. I get it from my son. He is watching me deal with this. He is learning how to deal with a crisis by watching me. Somehow I know this.

I have fallen apart a couple of times through this ordeal and he has seen that. But, then he has seen me pull it up again. I'm not superwoman nor do I have to be.

I also know I get it from my Grandfather (who has since past). He was amazing. What life dealt him was not easy but, he kept a good attitude through it all. And I watched and I learned how to be brave.

I know my son is watching. I hope he is learning how to be brave.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Surgery Date

My surgery date is July 30th. My surgeon said my oncologist told her he was giving her until the end of the month to get the surgery done. Sounds like Dr. Barth its pretty much his way or his way. So the 30th was the earliest she had available and it is before the end of the month.

I have an appointment for the 22nd for pre op work. Already had a chest x-ray the during the stay at the hospital during round one of chemo. So that's done don't need another one. Brenda, my surgeon's scheduler was looking through my test that are in the hospital's data base and she sees the x-ray so that's taken care of. Then she asks me have you had any recent blood work done. Oh I just laughed. Yes before each round of chemo and tons of it. She finds the one done on June 6th. That was the start of round three and she says holy moly Dr. Barth tested you for everything under the sun! I said oh is that the test that 5 or 6 pages long. She says yes! I don't think you need anymore blood work. So I tell her that I have blood work orders from Dr. Barth for next week to have my iron checked from when I had the iron infusion so I asked her if I could bring those and if Dr. Guerra (my surgeon) does need anything else could those be done at the same time. And she said yes to bring the orders because even if Dr. Guerra doesn't need anything else I can go ahead and get the blood drawn for the iron while I'm there. So one less trip somewhere. So, the last thing is an EKG. So pre op instructions, post op care, bunches of release forms to sign, blood work and EKG scheduled for next Thursday.

So here's details of procedure (warning for the squeamish) I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am. Yikes. I register and then they will be taking me to get my wires put in. Yep. It called wired guided breast surgery. If a tumor can be seen on a scan but not felt or in my case there are just metal clips left, then they toss you in a mammogram machine, numb up the breast and then insert needle threaded with a wire into one end of what was the tumor bed and then another one on the other end of the tumor bed and then pull out the need. The wire will be threaded from the tumor bed to the outside of the breast where it will be taped down. Why? this is the guide for the surgeon to know where to make the incision. Yep. Best way they can do this. They will also be injecting the tumor site with a radioactive isotope. Nice. This is part of the lymph node identification. I'll explain in a minute. The I will go to surgery where my surgeon will inject blue dye into the tumor site. The blue dye and isotope will be taken up by the lymph node(s) this is to identify which one or ones of the lymph nodes the tumor was draining into. A pathologist in the operating room will take a peek and see if there is any obvious cancer cells. No one seems to fee that there will be since I had chemo first and such a good response. Then she will remove the tumor bed using the wires as guides. Ok the blue dye and isotope they know used alone doesn't get taken up 100% by the lymph nodes so using both mediums helps insure that this happens.

Bottom line I don't want the tumor bed left because we know something bad happened there. I don't want the lymph node or nodes (we are talking about one to five being removed)that the tumor was draining into to be left either.

The thing that is confusing is that the term sentinel node is used. To me this means one node. The main node. That the tumor was draining into. When my surgeon said I'll be removing the sentinel node so, one to five nodes, I said well, how are you going to determine how many nodes to remove? What is the criteria for removing more than one node inny minny miney moe? Yep and I said it just like that. She said oh no, the dye and isotope will show up in the nodes that the tumor was draining into. Sometimes the tumor only drained into one node, sometimes 2 up to 5. Ok. So its not a random decision. I'm good with it. 1 to 5 nodes being removed is not a big deal. Won't cause major edema later.

The procedure is schedule to be as an outpatient so I can go home the same day. Now I told my surgeon I don't like to be put out. And she says yes, but it's better for you if you are. No kidding. I told her I have a huge fight and flight response and sometimes wake up puking. AND I will need xanax. She told me I could have anything I wanted and that if I was puking they would not be sending me home.

It's a pretty straight forward procedure. Don't want the tumor bed left in and I don't want the lymph node(s) it was draining into either. Those will be removed. So I'm good.

Oh and she told me she could give me a breast lift but of course then we would have to lift the other one for a matched pair. I looked at her and said I think I'll go with the less invasive method and just keep the hanging pair I have. She laughed and said yes I was pretty sure you were going to say that but, it's an option and I just wanted you to have it. I appreciated it and thanked her but, I'm passing on being cut on more than I have to be.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/ananda_shankar_jayant_fights_cancer_with_a_dance.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/ananda_shankar_jayant_fights_cancer_with_a_dance.html

If the dancing part isn't your thing skip it. But, what she says in the beginning pretty much covers it. For me, it was doing "normal" things as much as I could. Lots of imagery work, invisioning the tumor shrinking. Now just seeing the tumor shrink in you mind isn't going to get it to shrink all on its own but, it helps you mentally. I was determined not to make fear based decisions which is hard when you are scared out of common sense at times. I did what I could and needed to do for my mental and spirital self to keep that as healthy as I could while by body healed. Do I feel healed? I do. Today I do. But, in my heart I know its going to take clean biopsies from surgery to confirm it for me.

Thinking back to where I was just three months ago, gripped with fear and having to take xanax just to be sane and where I am today gives me hope and courage to be determined that the cancer will not consume the rest of my life.

Yes, cancer is an uninvited life partner and there will be times in my future (and frequently at first) where I will have to engage with this partner (in forms of follow up test and doctor visits) but, it won't consume me or be my life.

Home and waiting

I went home yesterday. I just need some time at home before surgery. I'm going to be going back to my parents to recoup so, I wanted this time to get some things in order at home.

And I'm just waiting to see the surgeon tomorrow. Will post details of that visit.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Appointment with the surgeon

I have an appointment to see my surgeon Thursday the 15th at 10:30. Better start working on my list of questions and my list of directions. I have some very specific things I want when I have surgery this time. One being able to have a damned saltine cracker and 7 up when I need it!

Housing upgrade shrinks tumors in mice with cancer

Housing upgrade shrinks tumors in mice with cancer

We are mind and body connected. I think one's mind set or attitude while going through these things is just as important as treatment. Also being supported and not feeling alone. Family, friends and a good support system is also vital.

Accepting

Strange but, its seems its just as hard to accept unexpected good news as it unexpected bad news. I keep thinking the doctor's office is going to call me and tell me it was all a mistake. How messed up is that? I saw the MRI myself. I know those were my boobs. I know where the tumor was and what it looked like and it wasn't there.

Its starting to sink in. I guess my son is a chip off the old block. He is not trusting it. He said maybe after surgery and the biopsy comes back clean, maybe then. Well, he will accept it in his own time and way.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

It's Gone

I had a 100% response to the chemo. The tumor is gone.

My oncologist came into the room and said you had a complete response, the tumor is gone. I said you're kidding me. What is it that I'm feeling then? Yea leave it to me to argue with my doctor after he tells me the best news I could get. He says well, its probably scar tissue or hematoma. He then pulls up the radiologist report which yep there in black its says no evidence of tumor or something like that. Then he pulls up my MRI and well, sure enough there's the three clips stuck together. Can't see anything else. Dad came in with me and broke down a bit. Major relief. He looked at the pics too. Then Dr. Barth examined me and said ok so what exactly are you feeling. I said this right here. He says put your finger on it. He felt for a long time and said ok that's not tumor tissue. That's scar tissue. I said I agree texturally it completely changed. He says yes its gone.

So what now? We go to surgery. What the surgeon will remove is the original site which is marked by clips. Why? well because that's where the cancer started and we know something went wrong there and we don't want to leave it. So out it comes. What the surgeon removes will be biopsied. There could be microscopic cancer cells left that the MRI would not have been able to see but Dr. Barth said he highly doubted that would be the case as they just don't get responses like this and have microscopic stuff left.

At the end of my visit Dr. Barth says so how are you feeling now? (poor doctor comes in and tells his patient good news just to have her question and doubt it. All I can say is he's been through it before because he was really good at reassuring.) I say I feel really good. And then I ask him how are you feeling? He says yea I feel really good too. I said well, I bet you do. This must feel like a win. He says yes it does. I said well, it doesn't get any better than this.

Will post when I have a surgery date. Dr. Barth will be talking to my surgeon tonight.

Yes it was a good day.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Thank GOD for insurance!

I have really good insurance. Really really good. I got a statement from them yesterday and I had no idea who this provider was. Never heard of them so surely I didn't get any services from them. It was for chemo drugs on 4/22. Now I did get chemo on 4/22 that was my first round but, at Dr. Barth's and I had already received a statement for that date. So I call Dr. Barth's billing and ask if they ever bill under this name. She said no but didn't the nurses down stairs explain this to you? I said well, no (but, I'm thinking the nurses already have their hands full). She says we administer the chemo but the drugs are supplied by OSO Home Care (name of the other provider) and they bill you insurance directly for the drugs. So I pull out the statements and then I can see where Dr. Barth bill for chemo admin. and OSO for chemo drugs. But, there were four things listed and I'm only having two drugs and the statement doesn't say what they are just chemo drugs and one non oral drug. So I call OSO because I want to know what the heck is going on. I'm real nice, just got my insurance statement and they are so vague in their descriptions and I just want to know what was what. Ok. Here we go, one is for the cytoxan nine hundred and some change. One is for the taxotere nineteen hundred and some change. One is for ninety-five buck what? that's for an addition 20 ml vial of the taxotere so that the dosage is correct and it come separately so they bill it separately. Ok. So far so good. I'm OK with this so far. I know chemo drugs are not cheap. And they are saving my butt. But now, the kicker I say to the woman on the phone what about the fourth thing on here. She says what's that, I say well the amount is $3,876.20 and she says oh that's for the neulasta. I said for the neulasta! the neulasta! she says yeeaaa. Ok. Well, the insurance did pay for it.

The neulasta is the shot I get on Fridays after chemo that boast my white blood count. It has made a huge difference in receiving chemo in that patients can stay on schedule because their counts don't get wiped out. And if your white blood counts get wiped out you run high fevers and end up in the hospital. Not from catching something from someone but, because you white blood cells are low. But, man. I looked it up, suppliers charge anywhere from 3,000 to 9,000 for this shot! Man! dad said what do they have an armored truck to deliver this stuff. No kidding. If I have to have any more chemo, I'm going to appreciate the fact that I have over $3000 being shot into my arm!

Stuff was developed by Keiren Holding company. A Japanese company that mostly makes beer. It sold the licensing to some company Amgen. E-coli is used in making it. Nice.

I have had four of these shots. Do the math.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

MRI

MRI is complete. I had to bully the tech into setting up my IV. What? you ask. Yes, well they have to inject contrasting dye and they set up an IV for this to make sure the dye goes into a vein. So the guy comes and gets me. Nice man. I'm sitting in the needle poking contraption they put you in. You know, the chair with the padded bar the comes down across you, much like a safety bar on a roller coaster ride. Always makes me feel like they are trying to make sure you don't go anywhere. So I start listing off instructions, this is the vein you want to use, I need to squeeze the ball some with my arm hanging down, then I need a hot pack on it, then you will need to tie it off right here on my arm. Vein should pop up nicely. So he takes a look at the vein and is frowning. I know it looks bad I tell him but, trust me that's the vein everyone gets on the first shot. So off he goes to get the hot pack. And he gives me the ball to squeeze. He comes back and follows the rest of my instructions and then announces with much amazement oh look at it pop up. Yep. Old faithful is popped and plumped up nicely. And then the tech says, I think I'll get Barbara. I say what do you mean you're going to get Barbara and who is Barbara? He says oh she's our nurse and she's really good at this and she is not doing anything. I say ok crap I've scared you. You're scared to do this now aren't you. He says no, no I'm good. I say you can do this. Trust me, you can. You can do this and I'm patting him on the arm. He says ok. So clean the area with the alcohol and poke, barely felt anything and he got it in. No problem. I tell him hey that was good barely felt a thing you did good I told you, you would. And he looks at me and says well we do this all day. I say yea well lots a people do this all day and still some are better than others and I've earned the right to judge.

The MRI machine was a bit different than the one at Hoag and I ended up having to climb on the thing and ungracefully lower my boobs into the cut out holes in the table. Face down, arms over head. Great. Worse part is about five minutes into it, I started getting really bad acid reflux. Mostly due to the table pressing into my diaphragm area. Oh discomfort. The last three minutes I was sure I was going to throw up as the acid was backing up my throat by now. I just kept breathing through my nose because I didn't want to do the test again. Once I sat up, the acid reflux subsided instantly.

Best part though, is that I did good and he said the pictures came out well. None blurry so we didn't have to do any over again.

Now we wait for Thursday to figure out what we are doing next.

Appt. is at 3pm. I'll post as soon as we get home as we are all waiting.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly



Want to see more? Go to youtube. I love these guys. It was the inspiration for the name of my blog name. I don't think I have posted them before. Should have put them up a lot earlier. Enjoy.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Snow Globes and Doctor

It's unclear who created the first snow globe, but they first appeared in the 1889 Paris Exposition, or World's Fair. It became a favorite souvenir and spread immediately across Europe. It's believed that they came from the concept of paperweights.

When you think about snow globes, they represent life. Yep. There's a nice little scene inside that watery environment. Sitting there all calm and peaceful. But, to see the snow fly you pick up that globe and shake the hell out of it. Let the chaos fly. Eventually it all settles down again. Until the next urge to shake it strikes. Now here's the question, are you living on the outside of the globe or the inside? There have been times in my life where I felt like I was on the outside of the globe. In control of when things got shook up and times like right now when I'm in the inside getting all shook up!

Saw my internist on Friday. We talked a lot and then she did energy work. Jing-Qi-Shen it's called. Very powerful I tell you. I ordered a book on it. It was good visit and I plan on getting more treatments as I go on here.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Food and Fears and Why

There is just a lot of fear with cancer. And I think that people transfer this fear to food because well, there is an area that you have control over. I'm watching Dr. Oz right now. His show is about food that prevent cancer. Ok so far I'm on board with what he is showing because it's nothing crazy. He is just showing eating real food. Stuff not out of a box. Fruits, veggies, grains, protein (yea meat) nuts and spices. Ok nothing earth shattering. But. the idea that eating this way is going to prevent cancer? You can do all the "right" things and get cancer. I was not considered to be at high risk for breast cancer but got it. Truth is 80% of women who get breast cancer are not at high risk. So what the heck is high risk. If you have boobs, you are at risk for getting breast cancer and if you have a family history then you have a higher risk. But, it's not presented to women this way. So what causes cancer and why do we get it? We don't have a medical reason for it. We just don't know. But, the all knowing one here can tell you. We were not made to live forever. Yikes. But, there it is. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going without kicking, screaming, dragging my feet and hanging onto the door jam!

Comfort

Tomorrow I'm seeing my internist for a Reiki treatment. Don't underestimate the healing power of comfort. I am treating this cancer with traditional medicine but am now at the point of wanting to incorporate complementary treatments. Starting with Reiki and am looking into oncology massage. Yea, I didn't know that existed either. But, there are certified oncology message therapist who are trained to give massages to people who have had or have cancer, are in treatment or have completed it. So, I'm looking into it. Also at some point, restorative yoga is on my agenda.