Saving

I think if you don't use it you lose it. I never really wanted to move the blog in the first place but blogger updated and this page stopped working.

Hopefully this just saved it.

So It Don't Shut Down

I think if you don't post something on a blog it might go bye bye. So I don't want to lose this one although I've saved it in Word.

So I'm posting this to preserve it.

Hopefully.

The new stuff is on http://www.lifeismessycleanitup.blogspot.com/

New post

There is a new post up on the new site.

Go read. It is a review on  my new doctor.

http://www.lifeismessycleanitup.blogspot.com/

Just in Case

I know change is hard. As simple as a new spot for my blog. So here is the link. There is new stuff there so go on over.

http://www.lifeismessycleanitup.blogspot.com/

Here's the link to make it easier.

It was my last VISIT!

I posted this on the new blog too. But, I don't how many have changed over there and so because this is rather HUGE. I'm posting here too. 

Didn't know the last time I saw my oncologist it was going to be my last visit with him. I got this letter today:

May 14, 2012

To my dear patients,

During my 30 years of service to our community, I have been fortunate to care for thousands of patients. I am deeply committed to each and every one of you, as well as developing solutions to deliver better cancer care. It is with mixed emotions that I announce a move away from private practice in order to apply my medical training and clinical expertise in areas of science that have the potential to further my passion for "personalized medicine" for patients with cancer.

The privilege of working on behalf of my patients for years ahs been one of life's greatest gifts. I twas a very difficult decision to move away from private practice and close Newport Pacific Medical Associates. Caring for my patients has been the main focus of my everyday existence for a very long time, however, just as I have instructed many of you to give yourself permission to pursue those dreams that are most critical to your being;I must now heed my own advice. I pray that you will understand.

I am committed to transitioning each of you to a practitioner qualified to manage your medical condition. Enclosed please find a referral list and a recommended protocol for initiating your transition of care to one of several qualified physician practices in the area. Please contact the practitioner of your choice, either from the list provided or through another source and confirm an appointment with that physician. We will transfer your medical records upon confirmation and your written authorization to release.

Until Newport Medical Associates officially closes on June 15th, 2012, I will continue to see the most seriously ill patients to guide their safe transition, as well as those of you requiring hospitalization. I will no longer be seeing patients for routine follow-up appointments.

Please know that I cherish the relationships I have shared with each of you and your families. I wish you continued love, faith and hope.

Respectfully,

Neil M Barth MD FACP

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so my cerebral warrior has chosen to take on another battle. I think he has fought long enough on the front lines. He can only see us one at a time. But, by choosing this new battle he will be fighting for many.

Cha cha cha changes

New posts are up on the new blog.

Go there and subscribe and well, yeah you all got to move with me.

www.lifeismessycleanitup.blogspot.com

Moved

Yes I am going to say it is official. I've moved. Still with blogger just new page. I wanted my gadgets back that worked. And so now I have them.

So go to the new blog. Add yourself as a follower. I did some work on it to make all the following easy on folks.

Thank you!

www.lifeismessycleanitup.blogspot.com

The link

www.lifeismessycleanitup.blogspot.com

Click on the link to go to the new site where the story continues.

Thank you.

Moving

But not really. More like switching apartments but staying in the same complex? I'm sticking with blogger because learning a whole new blogger way is too daunting right now.

So go check out www.lifeismessycleanitup.blogspot.com

I've put a test. And I'll be messing with it and trying to move there so I can use the widgets again!

Ugh.

Sticking around

I went to Hoag today for the complimentary yoga classes they have for their patients. I qualify.

It was nice and surprisingly rather emotional. It was at the cancer center. The center you go to and they do unpleasant things to you. The place where I was radiated and the place where they shoot me in the butt with my lupron. I love Hoag, don't get me wrong, but it isn't a place that gives me warm fuzzies, like Wal-mart. So, it was nice to go for something well, nice for a change.

There were twelve of us. And at one point during yoga I thought, we are all survivors and we are fighting for our lives. We are taking the time for ourselves because we want to stick around longer. And for a moment I felt that being in a separate boat thing that you can feel when you've been diagnosed with cancer. But, then I had a moment of clarity where I realized (not for the first time) that we are all in the same boat. Even when we think we are not. We are. And don't we all want to stick around longer? Don't we take care of ourselves because we all want to stick around?

It put exercise into a different light for me.

And then in the middle of class someone new to yoga shouted out "hey, when do we get to the relaxing part?"

It was beautiful.

The bad and the ugly

But it gets to good again. So I need to finish last week so I can get to this week. My time flies.

Monday did come and with it my homework was due for my Quickbooks class I'm taking. I got it done but, on Tuesday found out I had made a mistake somewhere along the line. But, by Wednesday at noon, I still hadn't found it and gave up. The worse part was that I had a test that night and the data from the homework was going to be used for the test. So I knew I was pretty much fucked for the test as well. And then at 4pm the light bulb goes on. From no where I knew where the mistake was. So now I'm jamming like crazy to get it fixed and print all the corrections out and I flew out the door at 5:40 pm to make it to my 6:00pm class. Now mind you, I have to say the teacher is a Nazi. She will ding you points for every little thing and gets off on it. Sicko. Anyway, I ran to class. Literally RAN. And those of you that know me, know I don't do run. The last time I ran to class was probably in high school. And honestly I'm not sure I ever even bothered before to run to class. I made it. Made it by the skin of my teeth. Only to discover I had left my student ID number at home. AND you need that to sign onto the computer. Fuck me. I just busted my ass to fix the homework, so the numbers would be right for the test and I can't even take the fucking thing, because I left my student ID number at home. So I go to the Nazi teacher and ask her if there is anyway she can look it up. And she tells me she can but, it will take her a little while. Okay fine, what else am I going to do? I go back to my computer and dig out my 3X5 note card we are allowed to write notes on and use during a test to discover...I had written my ID on the card. Why, I have no idea but it was probably the smartest thing I've ever done.

And in that moment, I discovered that I don't have as good of filters as I thought. Or because of what I've been through it really is all about me. Or because I'm turning fifty this year it REALLY is all about me. I know I've gone to the it's all about me universe. I know it. And I know those of you that know me, put up with my ass now that I'm in that universe and I appreciate that. I truly do. But, the glaring example of the it's all about me and my filters have eroded to non-existence, happened in that moment, when my eyes hit that ID number on the 3X5 card, because I just walked up to the front of the class and stood right in front of Nazi teacher and declared in great relief "Look! I wrote it down on my card, I don't need you to look it up after all!" She looked at me like I had lost my fucking mind, which I think at this point I had, because it wasn't until that very moment that I realized she was talking to the class. She looked at me rather stunned and said "That's good." Probably because she didn't know what else to say.

Sigh. Yes one of my finer moments.

Tuesday I went and had my mammogram. Everything is good. Saw my surgeon she is doing well and is happy with me. I went on Wednesday to my internist who shot my finger up with some herbal stuff. I'm hoping this will help and I am getting some relief. But, I didn't time things so well because Thursday I saw my cerebral warrior. And he wasn't too impressed with the finger shooting up with herbal concoction. He was non committal. Literally. Just looked and said nothing. Sigh. But, he is rather happy with how I am doing as well. I'm on half dosage with the letrozole and he tested to see how my estrogen levels are doing on the half dosage. I haven't heard anything so If I don't I won't go back to see him until July. I do have to have a CT scan. Just follow up. And am waiting for that to be scheduled once they get the approval from my insurance. But, Dr. Barth just wants that done before he sees me in July so, there is no rush.

Then Thursday, I went to Disneyland in the evening with a lovely friend and her daughter. It was a nice way to unwind from the crazy week.

And that was the good, the bad and the ugly!

The Good, The Bad and...

The ugly. That was how this past week went. So...let's see, yes let's start with the good.

Went camping last weekend with friends to Caspers. Have you been to Caspers off the Ortega Highway? I highly recommend it. It was glorious. Yes we had some mutiny on our hands because we drove all the way down there in the pouring down rain. It looked bleak folks. Yes it did. But, we were determined to at least give it a try. We had a beautiful site. I can recommend site number 27. I want to camp there again next time. It was covered with two huge trees which had kept the ground from getting...well, too muddy. It was barely sprinkling when we got there so the tent went up and our gear went in and then...down pour! Perfect timing. And the down pour lasted just enough time. Time to enjoy being in "weather" without getting miserable. Well, except I really needed to pee and the sound of the pouring rain didn't help.

The next day was beautiful. In the morning we walked up to the visitors center and watch a nice video about the park, had some hot coffee and enjoyed the look-out tower viewing thinging whatever you want to call it.

And we found out they were having a free event that day. Adventure day. We got a free tractor pulled hayride up to the event. There was live hootenanny music and all. Nice booths from various organizations. Got some free passes to the OC Zoo. Didn't even know we had a OC zoo. AND I won a Galileo thermometer in the raffle!

We took a short hike the next day on the closed trail. Yes it was closed but we went anyway. Through the 350 year old oak tree grove. Yes it is magical.

And that was the good. Nice way to celebrate a friend's birthday I must say.

Anniversary

Oh look a bonus. Two posts on the same night.

I was terribly remiss in posting on my anniversary. Like I said I can't remember jack shit but, on April 1st it was my two year anniversary of...being diagnosed.

So that makes me a 2 year survivor. I still like NED (no evidence of disease) though.

And what do I get for an anniversary gift? Well, I go for a mammogram on the 17th and I'll see Dr. Barth on the 19th and we will chat more about the letrozole. Yeah that's the AI that is giving me trouble. Small joint pain. I stopped taking it for the month of November then in December tried a different AI but I didn't like that one. Gave me anxiety like I need more of that. So I went back to the letrozole but half dose. Dr. Barth is okay with me taking half dose but isn't sure I'll be okay on this for the next well, four years. I have added glucosamine, chonroitin and msm to the regime and that is helping. My weight is up and I'm not happy with that. And I'm still having problem with my index finger not being able to bend it well. I'm seeing my internist now for that and today I went and had an xray of my neck area because I think it is stemming from there. So she wanted that checked out before we proceed. I want to try acupuncture for it as my internist is now trained in that area. So I'll report back on how all that goes.

Happy Anniversary to ME!

Love you all

Life's lessons, observations, tips and tricks

You only need to be able to sew reasonably straight if you use....invisible thread. Who knew and the color matches everything.

Do not watch a cooking show while cooking because you will panic thinking what the hell is sizzling, nothing should be sizzling and then you realize it's the TV. What the cooking show has on is sizzling. Save yourself some panic.

What else....oh you know that smart pop popcorn that is 98 percent fat free and fewer calories? It tastes really good with melted butter poured on it.

No matter what a good idea it seems to use your parking brake on your car, if this is not a habit of yours already don't try and make it one. You will just forget to release the parking break thus drive around until you wonder what the fuck is that smell and why is that light on. Oh. I really don't know what the parking break is for. Have never used one and trying to start didn't go well.

I've gotten warm and fuzzy with the reality that I can not remember jack shit. So I write myself notes. If you see me wearing a name tag someday...yeah it got that bad.

I also seem to be obtaining skills that would put David Copperfield and Houndini to shame. I can make something disappear in a blink of an eye. Now if I could just make it reappear.

I really want the iPhone 4S. Well, what I really want is Siri. In fact I'm pretty sure I need Siri. It will be my back up brain.

Voted off the Island

So I just completed a series of hoop jumping. And not just any hoop jumping but hoops on fire!

It sounded like a nice job. A part time office clerk at a school. 10 months out of the year so summers off. Two locations one less than a mile from my home and the other less than 3. Sounds ideal right?

So I apply figuring I had a snowflake chance in hell and I got email invited to come on down and take a test. So I go. 100 multiple choice guess test. It was a thinker and not easy. At the test, I was told 411 people had applied. 66 were invited to take the test and probably about 50 had showed up. From the test they will be cutting the number down and those making it will get to interview with an oral panel. Oh yipee. So I take the test AND I get an email congrats you made the cut with a score of 93 come on down for the oral panel interview along with 11 other people. The interview was with 3 people from the school district. It went well. And from the 12 there would be 4 that got to interview with the principals for the two job positions. AND I got called. Congrats come on down, you get to interview with the principals. Both at the same time. AND you are ranked 2nd!

Sounds all good but, I didn't get the job. I think the ranking was a bogus and it really should have been we will be narrowing it down to four candidates because really a principal has time to interview more than that?

And here is where our crazy reasoning comes in. The something better is coming. It wasn't meant to be. And all the scenarios. They probably had an in house person and you out scored them.

Sure all these could be true.

But, the truth is someone had to be voted off the island. Well, two of us got voted off the island.


So now I have the choice of feeling a bit beat up and my confidence being bruised and feeling shaky.

OR...damn I beat 411 people to the final round.


And what did I learn? I need to have more confidence in my computer skills. So I need to break down and buy freaking microsoft office 2010. Blast it. And work with it and build my confidence back up. Shit maybe even take a class or two. I've worked with word and excel for years. Years but trying to tell someone about it I found a bit like trying to tell someone you can drive. Well, yes there's a steering wheel you turn and a gas peddle to make it go and a brake to make it stop. Yes I know how to drive.

In my brain you can teach a monkey office software but you can't teach a monkey people skills. So I think I sold my people skills hard and not enough office skills but, there we are back at crazy reasoning.

Someone had to get voted off the island.

Never Snowplow

I can not take credit for today's blog fodder. No this I stole from a dear friend's face book post.

This is life in a minute and forty-nine seconds.

It truly does represent the good, the bad and the ugly.

Facing something new?

Facing a new challenge?

Facing each new day?

Goes like this:




And this is our life. It is scary and exciting and full of the unknown.

I think the best piece of advice....


NEVER SNOWPLOW.

Here I GO!

What Must They Think

Why do they put themselves into those metal boxes
And race on rubber wheels
On asphalt trails
With their eyes on the destination
And not on the journey
They fear death
Yet peril is at every turn

And why is the apple
Provided freely
Taken and heated
Mashed
Placed into a jar
To be bartered?
When the apple has been provided
Freely
With no more effort than to pluck it from the tree

And why
When we provided the sun
Moon
Stars
Daylight and night
Do they measure by the blink of an eye
The passing of time

The natural wonders we placed
For all
Yet they barter these sights too

We gave them each other
For companionship
Yet granted and often hated
Has been the result

Oh, what must they think?

Communication, Where did I fail?

I tried. I swear to GOD I tried to forge an open, honest, safe place for my son to communicate with me. I feel we have that. And THEN I feel I shouldn't have even bothered with the effort!!

DMV saga continued today with a trip to the eye doc. Son was due for an exam so full exam it was. BUT the doc looked over the form from the DMV and said "he can see better than what the DMV says." Okay. So he should have been able to pass the eye test at the DMV.

Then we take the form and head on over to the DMV to turn it in. The DMV dude says "your doctor gave him a new prescription, so when are you going to fill it because it really should be filled first." So I start talking about the slight change in the prescription and how the doc said he should have been able to pass the eye exam so I'm not sure what is going on.

So the guy has my son put his head in the box again and try to look. Of course his eyes are still dilated and he says "I can't see because my eyes are dilated." The DMV guy gives in and gives him his permit but tells me that when he does the behind the wheel test, they will test his eyes again and if he fails then he will have to take a behind the wheel test every 2 years and you don't want to have to do that so make sure he comes with his new glasses. AND the doc form is only good for 6 months. His permit is good for a year. BUT if he doesn't take the behind the wheel in six months we have to have the doc fill out another form. Whatever. If he is not ready in six months, I'll take him back to the eye doc. BUT I don't want him to have to take the behind the wheel every two years!

So I ask the guy what does the chart test? He says that at 20/20, and the box? Oh he can set that at 20/40-20/100.

So this all leaves me with WTF? Because at the docs with his old glasses on he could see 20/60 with the bad eye.

Out we walk and I have my son sit down on a bench and I say "what's up? you should have been able to pass the last time. What are you seeing in the box?"

And the kid NOW says "well mom there is this divider in the box that is between your eyes and the left side is blank and the right side has the data I'm suppose to see but my brain turns off my right eye and tries to use my left when I use them together so my left eye is trying to look to the right but that thing is there blocking, so all the letters look cut in half." And if you know my son, then you know he said it just like that without taking a breath and no punctuation.

Jesus H CHRIST close your left eye!

Well, I was afraid they would yell at me.

They can't see you, your head is in a box!!!

At the eye doc, he covers each eye. Sigh.

BUT does the kid tell me this after the first trip to the DMV? NO. I have to dig it out of him.

AND does it get better. Yes, yes it does. So I'm doing green smoothies and I ordered a book from BnN and my son has the membership. It's under his name. So I order the book under his name for free shipping and discount.

The feeble aging mind realizes it's been over a week since I ordered the book. Where the Hell is it? This afternoon I say in general to the household. "Hey, my book should have come by now. Anyone see a package around here?" My dad says "oh, oh a package came for Chris a few days ago." And then my son pipes in with "Yeah, Grandpa gave me this package and it's a book on green smoothies and I thought oh God mom is trying to get me to drink green smoothies so I tossed it in my room."

THAT'S MY BOOK!!!

I've been drinking green smoothies. The kid knows I've been drinking green smoothies. A book comes about making green smoothies and he thinks I'm trying.....yeah.

I wish I was Spock and could do a mind meld but, I probably wouldn't survive.

The mind meld would probably go something like this, including the painful Red Lobster commercial.

Trust

Trust is spoken about in terms of strength
Like the heaviest of chain links
Making an unbreakable bond
Withstanding the test of time

In reality, trust is but the thinnest strand of a spider's webbing
That can be broken with the softest of whispers.



(Disclaimer: No, no one has broken my trust. Not lately anyway. It was just there in my brain and wanted to be shared.)

Should I move?

See that stuff over there? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

That out of date stuff?

No I'm not lazy. I can't fucking change it anymore. Blogger changed and has a new interface/look/whatever and it doesn't work. It doesn't have all the options it used to. And they still let you use the old interface but those options are gone now too.

AND blogger knows it. And are trying to do something about it but, it has been too long for me.

So I'm thinking of moving my blog.

Any suggestions?

Anyone else have a blog that's not on blogger and they like it better?

Growing Up

My son passed his written exam for a drivers permit on Friday, after the second try. BUT he failed the eye exam.

AND I was judged as a neglectful parent. See? hover or neglectful.

The DMV employee/clerk/whatever calls me over. MOM!(seriously, the dude shouted this) he needs new glasses. He can't see with these. Yeah right because I've been just letting that go. Uh buddy that's as good as that eye gets. He has amblyopia strabismus and only has 20/80 out of the right eye with his glasses on. But, he has 20/20 with his glasses on and using both eyes. He can see people and movement out of that eye. He is not blind in that eye but he can't read with that eye alone.

And the dude now sighs and says "well then you are going to need to have your doctor fill out this form and bring it back for us to have on file."

Fantastic. So Monday I'm calling to get an appointment and get the kid an eye exam and the form filled out and then BACK to the DMV we go. Hee Haw.

DMV requirement for those wondering is the following:

20/40 with both eyes AND
20/40 with one eye AND
at least 20/70 with one eye

BUT he has 20/20 with both and glasses. I promise he won't read a book with one eye while driving.

So now his eye doctor has to reassure the DMV that he can see well enough to drive. Okay I get it we don't want blind people driving. BUT, we let stupid people drive. We let people who can't speak English drive (heard plenty of those at the DMV). They are worried about you SEEING the signs. How about being able to read them. How about know what the mean?

The written test asks all these crazy questions that would apply if we lived in the back country.

So what kind of mom were you today? Hover or neglectful?

I'm two for two.

Being a Parent

Being a parent is a thankless job. In fact it's worse than that. It's a job that is judged and criticized. And yes I get that it is the most important job on the earth. I get that some people fail miserably and blatantly. I get that some people enter into parenthood by accident and don't put the child first and can't provide for it. I get all that. But, most of us are doing the best we can. For most of us our kids are going to survive our parental fuck ups. But it seems we are doomed for a damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Keeping an eye on your kid? Involved in their lives? Dang, are you a PART of their lives? Are you trying to help them navigate themselves into adulthood? If you answered yes, then let me tell you, society is going to view you as hovering. AND God forbid something "bad" should happen to your kid, even at no fault of your own, society is going to say you weren't watching them.

So what prompted this outrage today? The office clerk at OCC that's who. My son is going to go there this fall. I'm trying to get him into the college orientation class for high school students this semester. But, because he is a high school student we had to turn in a concurrent enrollment form stating what class he wants to take at the college while still in high school. And the principal has to sign it along with his parent. Well, both those things are ME.

So off we go to OCC to turn in the concurrently enrolled form so he can take a course at OCC that is for high school students. Yeah go figure. My son handed in the form. The lady looks at ME and asks ME "is this a second 8 week semester class?" I tell her "It's the college orientation class for high school students." She glances at the form and then says "Okay." and tosses it in a box and then just stares at me.

So I asked "So, when that gets processed I can enroll him online into the class?" and she replies "When that gets processed HE can enroll in the class online. HE is going to need how to do that." I replied "Thank you." and left. Outraged.

YES I'm going to show my son and walk him through how to enroll online. Damn it, it was just grammar! The woman was looking at ME. My son handed her the form but did she ever LOOK at the kid. NO. And so I was slammed as a hover mom today.

LOUD internal dialog went "No shit Sherlock yes I'm going to SHOW him how to sign up for class online but someone needs to show your judgmental dumb ass how to do YOUR job because you didn't even look at that form or notice that hover mom here, signed as parent and principal!"

I didn't open that can of worms and I'm hoping the next paper pusher in line is as observant and caring as this lady was and it's not an issue. I had my R4/PSA ready to go.

I'm still pissed. I've been through a lot these last couple of years and already feel like I've failed my kid in so many ways. And now this nobody is slamming me for helping my kid navigate! I know, I know, no they weren't events that were my fault but, that is how parental guilt rolls.

My saving grace is my son though. Amazing is what he is. I'm ranting on the way to the car. Four letter words flying through the air on the way back to the escape me from this bullshit vehicle. And I say to the kid "How did that make you feel? Were you embarrassed? Do you feel like I'm a hover mom?" My son says "Jesus mom it was two sentences. I didn't really care. But my opinion is that she was over the line. I'm NOT her kid."

AND really that says it ALL.

Next time someone is giving you shit about what you are doing with your kid remember that's YOUR kid.

How's this for a t-shirt

He/She is NOT your kid.

Or

NOT YOUR KID

Or

Shut up, I'm trying to parent and you're not helping.

I'll admit it. I've judged others parenting. Yes I have. Haven't we all? It's almost impossible not to. But, dang it every time I have, it's either come back to bite me in the ass OR I've felt really bad because we are all doing our best OR I've later come to realize, oh wow they did know what was best for their kid after all.

So when the judging bug hits me I'm going to remember this:

Not my kid.

Against the Norm

I have been going against the norm, I realized today, my entire life! Not all by choice be here is my account:

I was born in 1962 (I'll do the fast math for you, I'm 49) and I am an only child. Now being an only child in the 60s was a rare thing. I grew up listening to my mother having to field questions like "are you going to have any more children?" "why only one?" "I don't think it's good she won't know how to share." "she'll be lonely". And I had to field questions like "you must be spoiled." to which I would answer "yes I am and don't you wish you were too." and "don't you wish you had a brother or sister?" which got a "don't you wish you could get rid of yours?"

My dad shaved his head I'm not sure when. I don't remember a time when it wasn't shaved but I know it was way before Kojak or the NBA. So when we would go out he would get stared at, laughed at, comments made.

I never attended the first day of school. My mom would take me school clothes shopping on that day because the stores would be re-stocked and nobody was there. It was rather nice. "Nothing happens on the first day anyway." She would say.

Family vacation were often taken during school because well, things were less busy then.

I lived at home with my parents until I got married having to field questions of why I didn't move out. I like my parents that's why. But, nobody likes their parents so I was the 20 something weirdo still living at home. I didn't get it.

Got married. In Las Vegas so everyone thought I was pregnant. Nope.

When we sold our townhome and bought a house, the house was smaller. GASP no one sells their place and moves to a smaller place. What are you thinking?

Then I homeschooled my son. At least I know people who do that! But oh my I won't even go into the list of questions I have had to endure on this subject. I'll have to save that for a whole blog entry on it's own.

When I got divorced we used a mediator. No folks you don't have to use an expensive attorney to get the job done. Okay the mediator was an attorney but we sat down together and hashed it out. No court.

When I got cancer I decided I wanted to do chemo first. It was my suggestion. Who does THAT?

And now I live with my parents. Again I learned on Tuesday that this is also going against the norm.

I went to get my Lupron shot on Tuesday and the nurse says "we need to update your file! It's been awhile." Oh God help me. Updating the file is like enduring the Spanish Inquisition. Do we have to? So she gets to the question who do you live with? They really want to know if you live alone or not. If maybe you need services. So I told the nurse I live with my parents and my 17 year old son in a multigenerational (I like how the word rational is in there) household. Silence. Crickets. And then..... "I'll put down that you live in a house." "Okay, yes, we are not cave dwellers but, a house is what I live IN not who I live WITH, just so we are clear." Crickets.

Seems I've bucked the norm again.

And you know what?

I'm not going to stop.

Happy Heart Day

Greeting card customized with Smilebox

I'm good with celebrating the concept of luuuuv. I really am. There are lots of people and animals in my life that I will say I "love".

But, the Hallmark bullshit turns that simple emotion into a commercializing pile of smelly horseshit. And all these expectation that no one can fulfill.

You have that someone in your life that well, you just can't imagine them not in it? Think. Yes, even you single unattached/uninvolved people. There is someone. That's love.

But, Hallmark makes this holiday all about the romantic fleeting love. That's shit doesn't last. Oh it's there in the beginning but it fades. AND thank God it does or we would all be walking around in a mooney eyed state of not thinking straight and it would make a zombie apocalypse look like a park day (a day in the park for you non homeschoolers).

The bottom line is this..if you have someone in your life, I don't care if it's a partner, parent, kid, dog, cat or gold fish that puts up with your sorry ass, you are loved. And really? they have to buy a $5 card, a box of chocolates that's going to be half off in 24 hours and gift that you don't need or they don't love you? Or that if they don't you won't feel loved? That's what Hallmark would have you believe. Because that increases their bottom line.

So go do an act of kindness to someone who puts up with your stupid ass tomorrow.

And remember luuv twuuu luvvv

Fear is......

.......a four letter F word.

A Date wha....?

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/KY-Date-Night


Saw this in Walmart today. Yes. A display on an end cap. My mom actually pointed it out and then we laughed like loons. My mom said "I guess you don't show up with flowers. It's a box of condoms."

Seriously? This is what dating is these days? Thanks I'll pass.

I survived my class. I like the teacher and I was able to get the homework done so.....there is hope. Hope that my brain is intact. Or at least partially?

On the sewing front I'm still reading that fabulous book and gathering sewing toys.

My son started his baking and pastry class and we are ALL enjoying that class as he brings home goodies they made. Cookies, moon pies and cookie dough to be baked later.

His teacher, Chef Heather, will be on Cupcake Wars this Sunday on Food Network at 8pm.

We will be watching.

OCD

It's official. I have OCD. Over Crafting Disorder (and I stole this from somewhere). I want to learn to sew and tried to find a sewing class but those seem to be rather full these days. AND well, I'm a self learner. I've taught myself to knit and crochet and I will teach myself to sew.

I've started this new learning adventure they way I started by fiber arts one, with a book that Bequi helped me pick out because books are inspiring. I love this book. The Book Of Bags 30 stylish projects for beautiful sewn bags by Cheryl Owen. Stunning pictures. And a new pair of scissors. And one pattern. And I'm still gathering toys because after the book purchases (I'm sure there will be more to come) I have to have all the toys.

So, now I'll read and then...dive in. Then watch lots of youtube videos and lastly.... curse profusely.

That's how it rolls but in the end....I will make a bag. Stay tune for pictures.

In the medical scene I decided to chill on the butt shot. Didn't call Dr. Barths. I've decided I'll go back on the 14th for the second monthly shot and then see Dr. B on the 17th and tell him all about it. Will see what he says.

AND I'm taking a class. God help my brain. Quickbooks Pro at the local community college. Seems employers want you to know this software and so....I'm going to go learn it. One night a week in an actual classroom, God help me. I'm going today to get the book. And a parking pass. Yikes, it's all scary in a stupid way. But, it's making me realize in a  rather disturbing blaring in my face way that my self confidence is rather......shot to hell. So, I need to do something about that. The class to show my brain it can still learn. The sewing to show it can still create. And I'm going to fit in volunteering at the Aquarium (as soon as I can see how my schedule is doing) to show it can still be productive.

Class starts tomorrow. Yeah I know it will all be fine but, it doesn't feel that way.

So I'll just follow this advice:

Dark in Protest of SOPA and PIPA

Well if Blogger offered a template for going dark protesting SOPA AND PIPA I would have used it. Instead.....this was the best I could do.

Bastards.

We have no "real" media. And so people have turned to social media to get their "news" find out what is really going on and to get away from the "spin" on the news. And the stinking rotten Bastards of Big Brother Government don't like it. NOT. ONE. BIT. Which is REALLY what all this SOPA PIPA is about.

Chris Dodd burn. Former senator and NOW CEO of Motion Picture Association of America what a bunch of bullshit. Lobbyist galore. And has fucked some other things up royally. Go look him up. Oh wait you can't because Wikipedia went black. Right on! And Craigslist!

And me.

Butt Shot Fiasco

This tops it all. I went to get my Lupron injection today at the day hospital. As the nurse is preparing the syringe I look and notice that it's the wrong dosage. I can tell by the amount.

Me "Excuse me but, that's a one month dosage."

Nurse "I don't know."

Me "What do you mean you don't know, THAT is a one month dosage."

Nurse "it is 7.5ml"

Me. "Yes that's a one month dosage....I'm suppose to get a 3 month dosage 22.5 ml."

Nurse "I already broke the seal."

Me "I don't care."

Nurse "Well, I can't put it back."

Me "Not my problem."

Nurse "Well if you had said something sooner......."

Me "SOONER THAN WHAT?"

Nurse flipping through my file "your doctor ordered 12 monthly dosages."

Me "When, what's the date?"

Nurse "Yesterday."

Me "Well I haven't seen my doctor since yesterday. I didn't know he changed it and there might be a reason why he has, I will find out from him but, if I hadn't said anything I wouldn't have come back here for 3 months!  If you had just said your doctor ordered you to have monthly dosages we WOULDN'T have had this ugly conversation!"

Nurse "Okay....go behind the curtain."

I don't feel bad in the least for chewing her butt when she then got to jab mine with a needle.

Jesus what if it had been the WRONG meds? Too late already broke the seal? She was more concerned that she had broken the seal on the medication than if she was giving me the RIGHT thing!

I'm not sure what is going on. It's one of three things:

A. It's a new year and new orders had to be written up. If the day hospital called up yesterday for new orders being how busy Dr. Barth it might have just gotten written up monthly (because I was on it monthly for 6 months before switching to every 3 months) by (gasp) mistake.

B. He wants me on monthly because he plans on pulling me off for a while to check on estrogen levels to see if I'm post menopausal now. Which is very likely. Or he wants to do that sometime soon. We talked when I went on the Lupron that we would be doing this but not when or how often

C. My insurance only approved for me to have them monthly. This one I doubt because the 3 month injections are cheaper. And they approved the switch before.

I will call tomorrow and find out.

If you are a patient it's best to be a pain in the ass. A loud one.

Giving and Receiving

Ask for help and feel like a burden

Give help and feel put upon

Receive help and feel in debt


Give help and feel entitled

Placed here to help others get through it

But, we have to get through by letting others help us

One tangled gray mass of needs


Giving is expected.

Giving is taught.

Receiving is hard.

Give with a thoughtful heart and receive with an accepting one.

Reving up for the New Year

Below is my Verizon Saga. And I'm gearing up to go at it again. I hate these people. I am now going to be printing out all the email correspondence and writing a letter and snail mailing it to someone at Verizon. Someone high up. Yeah I know good luck with that but I'm still mad. Whole thing pisses me off.

Happy New Year.

Dear P. Dowling,

Thank you for choosing Verizon. I have received your email dated 8/18/2011 regarding your recent communication. My name is Janis, and I will be happy to assist you.

We are sorry and apologize for any difficulties you have experienced. 

According to our records, it appears that your inquiry was addressed by our billing department on 8/18/2011. We show your issues were addressed with a supervisor in the billing department.

If your original request has been resolved, please disregard this message. If you require further assistance with your account, please feel free to respond to this email and we will be happy to assist you.

Thank you for using Verizon. We appreciate your business.

Sincerely,
Janis
Verizon eCenter

*****Simplify your life. Cut the clutter and help the environment with paperless billing!*****

Enroll today at: http://www.verizon.com/gogreen 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janis,

Really? Your records show that my inquiry was addressed by your billing department, because I didn't have an inquiry and I didn't speak to your billing department.

I called the Fios support at 1-888-553-1555 on 8/18 because on 8/17 I informed Verizon I was moving (conf# 0C8997270) and I wanted to know if I could keep my HD DVR box and my email address. I was told I could do that and to call Fios support and they would take care of that for me. I called Fios support and was told I couldn't keep the HD DVR box. That if I cancelled my account the box needed to be returned or I would be charged for failing to return the equipment. I asked for that fee to be reversed and was told I couldn't do that, upon de-activation of the box all information would be removed. Today the new box we received had ALL the previous owners recorded programs and the tech had to spend quite a bit of time DELETING it. Lied to AGAIN. The programming is obviously NOT automatically erased magically upon de-activation but has to be removed. I asked the rep on 8/18 if the de-activating of the box really did the deleting as I didn't believe this. And she said yes. YES the act of de-activating the box deletes the information. Lie. So the REAL problem lies in that Verizon's software does not allow the company to transfer a piece of equipment from one person's account to another. This is a total disregard to customer service. I happen to move in with my parents but, what about people who get married or decide to live together or other resident combing situations? You just surrender your box and the programs you recorded? This is the best Verizon can do? The box was my teen son's who is having to adjust to a move and I told him he could keep the box only to have to tell him the next day that was not the case.

And I can't keep my email address which is a sub account. Really? I can't move my email address to my father's main email address as a sub account? I don't believe it. I was told I could domain my email address with some third party company at $20 a year. Only after I complained did I get told that I could use trueswitch.com as a means to forward my email address which is also a third party company to Verizon. I suspect Verizon gets something by referring people to trueswitch which is a better deal for Verizon than doing what it should do as a company providing service which is move my email account to my father's main email address! 

The HD DVR box has been addressed as we just gave up. But, my email address has NOT been addressed. I want that address XXXXXXXXX@verizon.net which is a sub account to XXXXXXXXX@verizon.net to be moved as a sub account to my father's email address which is XXXXXX@verizon.net.

I was lied to. Verizon admitted to the lies and offered NO compensation for the misrepresentation. I had to DEMAND it. DEMAND. Inexcusable.

I have found out from my father that he has the slowest old internet connection. 3mega bites per second. Verizon doesn't even offer this slow of internet connection anymore. He has tried to upgrade but has been told he can't unless he pays some absorbent amount. His bill is $190 a month. It will be raising by 15.99 per month for the box we didn't want and we had to add an additional box at 9.99. A new customer can get a package for $89 a month and get a faster internet connection.

The internet connection speed needs to be upgraded to the new slowest available and at no additional charge. This is called customer service which Verizon has clearly lost all sight of.

I have lost track of the number of times I heard from a Verizon representative "we can't do that" over the last two days. I don't want to hear it again.

Thank you.

Pamela Dowling

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Dear Verizon.com Customer,
Thank you for contacting our customer support team at the Verizon eCenter. An account associate is reviewing your inquiry. Our goal is to respond within one business day, but due to increased e-mail volume, response times can vary.
****Please do not reply to this email.*******


***********************EARN UP TO $100 IN REWARDS!***********************

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*****************************VERIZON PERKS!*****************************

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It’s our way of saying thanks for being a My Verizon customer.
Get started: http://www.verizon.com/themostwow


Again, thanks for contacting the Verizon eCenter. An account associate will get back to you soon.
Thank you for allowing us to serve you.
Sincerely,
Verizon
             
♦ Your personal information is protected in our Contact Us form. However, do not send credit card, password or other sensitive information in a standard email message.
♦ Verizon Emails - Ensure Verizon emails reach your inbox by adding customer_support@verizon.com to your "safe" email list. Your e-mail or Internet provider can provide instructions on how it works.
Copyright 2011 Verizon

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear P. Dowling,
Thank you for your continued contact with us. You had further questions regarding your previous emails status.

We apologize for the delay in our response and regret any inconvenience to you.

We apologize, however, your account and/or telephone number was either omitted or incorrect in your email to us. The information you are requesting requires access to your account, and we need the necessary account information to be able to assist you.

Please resubmit your email with all the necessary information including your account number and phone number so we can fulfill your request at:

http://www.verizon.com/contactus

If you prefer, you can opt to use the 'chat' option on this web page or call us at:

1-800-Verizon (or 1-800-837-4966)

A representative will be happy to assist you by phone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Thank you for using Verizon. We appreciate your business.

Sincerely,
Jonathan
Verizon eCenter

*****Simplify your life. Cut the clutter and help the environment with paperless billing!*****

Enroll today at: http://www.verizon.com/gogreen
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  Below is the email that you requested I forward along with my account number and phone number.

Account number is:

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Use xxxxxxx if contacting Verizon and asked for the
last six digits of your account number.

Phone: 714-xxxxxxx
Verizon Online Account Number: xxxxxxxx

The number I can be reached at is xxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you. 

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Dear Verizon Customer,

Thank you for contacting the Verizon eCenter and providing the requested
information.

For assistance with your email account please contact our FiOS Technical
Support Team at (800) 837-4966.  Representatives are available 24 hours
a day 7 days a week.

The department to which we have referred you will be able to assist you.
If you have any additional questions, please let us know. We look
forward to serving you.

Thank you for using Verizon. We appreciate your business.

Sincerely,
Cindy
Verizon eCenter

*****Simplify your life.  Cut the clutter and help the environment with
paperless billing!*****

Enroll today at: http://www.verizon.com/gogreen

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cindy,

Verizon's Fios Technical Support Team has been completely useless in regards to transferring my email address. I have already contacted them, after being told I would be able to keep my email address for them to do this for me, only to be told it couldn't be done.

Also this response to my email does not address ALL my issues so here is a copy of the email I sent to Janis on 8/19.

Janis,

Really? Your records show that my inquiry was addressed by your billing department, because I didn't have an inquiry and I didn't speak to your billing department.

I called the Fios support at 1-888-553-1555 on 8/18 because on 8/17 I informed Verizon I was moving (conf# 0C8997270) and I wanted to know if I could keep my HD DVR box and my email address. I was told I could do that and to call Fios support and they would take care of that for me. I called Fios support and was told I couldn't keep the HD DVR box. That if I cancelled my account the box needed to be returned or I would be charged for failing to return the equipment. I asked for that fee to be reversed and was told I couldn't do that, upon de-activation of the box all information would be removed. Today the new box we received had ALL the previous owners recorded programs and the tech had to spend quite a bit of time DELETING it. Lied to AGAIN. The programming is obviously NOT automatically erased magically upon de-activation but has to be removed. I asked the rep on 8/18 if the de-activating of the box really did the deleting as I didn't believe this. And she said yes. YES the act of de-activating the box deletes the information. Lie. So the REAL problem lies in that Verizon's software does not allow the company to transfer a piece of equipment from one person's account to another. This is a total disregard to customer service. I happen to move in with my parents but, what about people who get married or decide to live together or other resident combing situations? You just surrender your box and the programs you recorded? This is the best Verizon can do? The box was my teen son's who is having to adjust to a move and I told him he could keep the box only to have to tell him the next day that was not the case.

And I can't keep my email address which is a sub account. Really? I can't move my email address to my father's main email address as a sub account? I don't believe it. I was told I could domain my email address with some third party company at $20 a year. Only after I complained did I get told that I could use trueswitch.com as a means to forward my email address which is also a third party company to Verizon. I suspect Verizon gets something by referring people to trueswitch which is a better deal for Verizon than doing what it should do as a company providing service which is move my email account to my father's main email address! 

The HD DVR box has been addressed as we just gave up. But, my email address has NOT been addressed. I want that address pdowling45@verizon.net which is a sub account to jdowling123@verizon.net to be moved as a sub account to my father's email address which is jkacin1@verizon.net.

I was lied to. Verizon admitted to the lies and offered NO compensation for the misrepresentation. I had to DEMAND it. DEMAND. Inexcusable.

I have found out from my father that he has the slowest old internet connection. 3mega bites per second. Verizon doesn't even offer this slow of internet connection anymore. He has tried to upgrade but has been told he can't unless he pays some absorbent amount. His bill is $190 a month. It will be raising by 15.99 per month for the box we didn't want and we had to add an additional box at 9.99. A new customer can get a package for $89 a month and get a faster internet connection.

The internet connection speed needs to be upgraded to the new slowest available and at no additional charge. This is called customer service which Verizon has clearly lost all sight of.

I have lost track of the number of times I heard from a Verizon representative "we can't do that" over the last two days. I don't want to hear it again.

Thank you.

Pamela Dowling

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Dear P. Dowling,

Thank you for choosing Verizon.  I have received your email dated
9/3/11.   My name is Bonita, and I will be happy to assist you.

Thank you for your continued contact with us. You had further questions
regarding several issues. It will be my pleasure to assist you.

We are sorry that you have not received the help you requested.

Unfortunately, we are not able to assist with most of the issues listed
in your email.  The FIOS technical support team would be who would
assist you.

We do not see any thing to indicate that  you were lied to.

Your account contains notes that indicate you were given incorrect
information.

We apologize for that.

Due to that misinformation, you were given an outlet installation at no
cost to you.

As far as the email address,  that would go through Verizon.

We are not able to keep the address for you, and so we refer to them.

That is an option that we offer to accommodate our customers, as well as
customers that have moved to different providers.

As a parent and a grand parent, I understand about the effects of a move
on children.  I am sorry your teen was disappointed and that you had to
give the news.

We are not able to discuss your father's account or services without you
providing information regarding his account.

We would need the account number, the last amount paid and the current
amount due.

Then I would be more than happy to look into that for you.

Once I receive the requested information, I am confident I will be able
to assist you. In the meantime, if you have additional questions, please
let us know. We look forward to serving you.

Thank you for using Verizon. We appreciate your business.

Sincerely,
Bonita
Verizon eCenter

*****Simplify your life.  Cut the clutter and help the environment with
paperless billing!*****

Enroll today at: http://www.verizon.com/gogreen

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bonita,

Thank you for your response. Yes, I was misinformed but when that miscommunication involves a customer service rep. telling you they are checking with supervisors to see if the email address can be transferred and if the DVR box can be transferred to another account and after waiting 45 minutes on the phone occasionally being told supervisors are looking into it AND then being told good news it looks like that won't be a problem at all, call our Fios Tech Service tomorrow and they will set all that up for you well, THAT FEELS like a LIE. There was NO we think, maybe, perhaps,  it might be possible, you will have to check with Fios NO. They can do that for you with no problem. THAT is my definition of a bold face lie. You don't give customers assurances like that without KNOWING you can deliver. It's called LYING!

I was charged for the installation. The 79.99 fee to roll the truck was waved but, my father is paying the $59.99 in three monthly fees for the installation. More misinformation?

The email issue I'm done with. I have gone to a gmail account and have gone through the headache of changing/informing everyone of my new email address. But, you state that it would go through Verizon. Aren't I dealing with Verizon right now through this email?

My son got a new DVR box as that is what we were told we would have to do by the Fios dept. The Fios dept told me that upon deactivation of the box the contents (recordings) would be deleted. Really? I questioned this hard. I just didn't believe it would magically poof be gone. And sure enough the new DVR box the installation person brought was FULL of recordings. He spent a good 20 minutes having to delete the contents. SO it's not a matter of the contents being delete but the fact that Verizon doesn't have a way of transferring equipment from one account to another. But this is not what I was told. Misinformation? I call it another LIE.

The email has been addressed by gmail. The DVR box my son has a new one and has moved on.

We are in a household with 3 laptops, 1 desk top computer, 3 receivers 2 HD DVR and 1 HD boxes. That's 4 computers and 6 TVs and I find out my dad has the slowest OLD Fios connection at something like 3:1. The slowest offered now is 15:1 I believe. He has been told he can't upgrade without an increase in his bill. He is now paying over $200 a month. A new customer can get a package at $89 per month and get 15:1 connection yes I understand that it would be $89 plus for the additional boxes, still far cheaper than the over $200 he is paying now. We have a lot of data trying to use that slow connection and often it is a problem especially for Roku boxes that we have and downloads on the computers.

I am asking that the connection be upgraded to the new slow at no additional cost.

The account information is as follows:

XXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXX

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Dear P. Dowling,

Thank you for choosing Verizon.  I have received your email dated
9/9/11.   My name is Bonita, and I will be happy to assist you.

Thank you for your reply.

There is an internal order in the system that will not allow me to open
the account or make any changes.

I am not able to open, change or cancel the order.

I am able to see the profile of the account.  That is how I was able to
give you the speed.

Since I did not originally have the information necessary to look at the
account, I would not know that until I received the information.

At this time, we are not able to assist you with your request in this
department.

If you have a different request, we will be happy to assist you.

Otherwise, please call us directly.

In order to resolve your concerns, please contact our Consumer Sales and
Solutions Center directly at (800) VERIZON or (800) 837-4966. Our
representatives are available by phone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

You will be prompted for your telephone number by our Voice Response
Unit. To ensure protection of your personal account information and
expedite the handling of your request, please have your Verizon account
number or bill available.

Our representatives will be happy to help you.

The department to which we have referred you will be able to assist you.
If you have any additional questions, please let us know. We look
forward to serving you.

Thank you for using Verizon. We appreciate your business.

Sincerely,
Bonita
Verizon eCenter

*****Simplify your life.  Cut the clutter and help the environment with
paperless billing!*****

Enroll today at: http://www.verizon.com/gogreen
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bonita,

Thank you for your response.

I am calling to confirm the internal order and to find out what order that could possibly be.

I hope this is not a lie. Of course those don't exist if you believe the information to be true. So let's say I'm hoping the internal order is not another miscommunication.

And I was told the internet speed in the last email I received which was in response to my email that did contain the account information. The speed was not confirmed until AFTER the account information was given.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear P. Dowling,

Thank you for choosing Verizon.  I have received your email dated
9/9/11. I understand your concerns. My name is Prudence.

We always welcome feedback from our customers and we appreciate your
comments. We apologize for any difficulties you have experienced.

We constantly review our processes and procedures to determine where we
can improve upon the Verizon customer experience. Customer feedback is
vital to our business. Thank you for taking the time to offer your
comments.

In order to resolve your concerns, please contact our Consumer Sales and
Solutions Center directly at (800) VERIZON or (800) 837-4966. Our
representatives are available by phone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

You will be prompted for your telephone number by our Voice Response
Unit. To ensure protection of your personal account information and
expedite the handling of your request, please have your Verizon account
number or bill available.

Our representatives will be happy to further assist you and advise you.

The department to which we have referred you will be able to assist you.
If you have any additional questions, please let us know. We look
forward to serving you.

Thank you for using Verizon. We appreciate your business.

Sincerely,
Prudence
Verizon eCenter

*****Simplify your life.  Cut the clutter and help the environment with
paperless billing!*****

Enroll today at: http://www.verizon.com/gogreen