Don't Bother Me

Don't Bother Me Cancer, I'm Busy Living

Yea I'm having that made into a T-shirt because I'm railing against it (hey Mac) I'm railing against it damn it.

What I'm really doing is putting on my girl panties and sucking it up because the other choice is to wallow in self pity and lay on the floor in the fetal position. That's useful.

Most of the time I like to be in Mr. Spock mode. Rational. Logical. Pointed ears and major cerebral mode. I think Mr. Spock's body made his own xanax. Now Captain Kirk I let out once in a while but, it has to be under controled conditions. I'm going into my room, close the door and allowing my self 15 minutes to rail against it all. To cry and wallow in the self pity. Then I'm done.

Lifestyle. It feels like a lifestyle but really it's a long treatment plan. But, you know what so is diabeties and a lot of other diseases. A lot with no end in sight for the treatment part.

So treatment is going to be a part of my life for the next year but, I'm not going to let it BE my life.

I read once where there was a study done and if a person went into a store and had a bad experience it took something like twenty good ones to cancel the feelings of the bad one. I think that hold true for life in general.

I have had people make some comments about the last couple of years of my life. Supportive acknowledging that there has been....OK well that's it's been pretty damn shitty.

There have been three major speed bumps with this last one taking out the transmission. But, there has been way more good stuff. I have had more than three good things happen to me in the last couple of years.

I'm not going to let these couple of unpleasant ones negate those.

So here's my plan because you know I have to have those. In between treatments I'm going to live my life. I'm going to do stuff and drag my family along. Yesterday we went to Disneyland after the radiation appointment. We got there around 3:30 and we didn't leave until 9:30. It was a really nice evening that I spent with my parents. Chris got to hang out with his friends that ended up going that day. It was good. Since I'm not going to be working during this, I plan on spending more time with my friends as well. So just a warning to you all.

I'm going to do stuff to ensure that I have more good moments than bad ones. Thursday I had a bad one with the news of the HER2 but yesterday I had enough good ones that I feel a lot better today.

AND I have decided I'm getting the tattoos. Yesterday during radiation (simulated one not actual treatment yet) they talked to me again and that I don't have to have them but, dang it the clear tape that covers the ink marks are kind of itchy. They re-positioned one and the spot where it was is a bit red. I worry about them coming off. They told me to think about it over the weekend but, no I'm going to go ahead with the tats because it will be more comfortable and less worry.

Now I'm off on the internet to get that T-Shirt made!