Boat Boy Bryan with a Y

Neighbors. Just say the word and it conjures up a morass of emotions ranging from it's a wonderful day in the neighborhood to I'm going to Wal-Mart to load up on firearms.

The neighbor in question is the one behind and to the left of me. I've never met this neighbor. Never spoken to him. Meaning he has never pissed me off. And up until yesterday I didn't even know his name.

Boat Boy Bryan with a Y had a boat. He got rid of it sometime when I was staying with my parents. The boat of much amusement is gone. And I'm a bit sadden by this.

I know less than nothing about boats for I don't even have the slightest desire to learn anything about them but, Boat Boy Bryan with a Y's boat was broken. It would take him three days to start that thing up. He would do this about once a year. Three days of banging, cursing, failed engine starting attempts. Now I just admitted that I know nothing about boats but, it shouldn't take three days to get one to start. Finally at the end of day three it would roar to life and belch out the biggest, blackest, smelliest, cloud of smoke that was so dense it would just hang there in the yard hovering over Boat Boy Bryan with a Y and his broken boat. He would then put the pedal to the metal, wait that's cars, the throttle to the dash board? Whatever you do to boats to make them run at full speed. After about five minutes he would turn the boat off and that would be the end of the boat show for another year.

Boat Boy Bryan with a Y did take the boat out. Once. Yep in about the four years he had the boat he took it out once. Truly wish he had done this more because that was an entertaining afternoon. He went to park the boat back into the side of his house with his buddy helping. Turn to your right, your right, your other right, STOP. Almost took out the side of the house. I poured myself a frosty drink and got into the jaccuzzi and sat back for an hour of hysterical entertainment.

The boat is gone now and so I should drop the Boat Boy and now it's Bryan with a Y. And how did I come by this information? Yesterday Bryan with a Y taped an invitation, oh excuse me my FORMAL invitation to his New Years Eve party to my mail box. With his advanced apology. I now have Byran's name AND phone number. And an invite to his party. Hmmm. Now we all know he doesn't want me coming to his party. He plans on being loud and obnoxious tonight and is hoping I won't call the cops. Rather than an fake invitation, I wish Bryan had just said that. And rather than an advanced apology I would rather have him promise this won't be a regular thing. So it makes me want to go formally crash his party. Early enough so that people are not so drunk as to not notice or care that the party got crashed.

On the invitation it says there are going to be drinks, dancing and a DJ. This tells me several things about Bryan with a Y. He must be single. Okay the boat tipped me off to that but this confirms it because there is no mention of food on the invitation. Also I'm heavily suspecting that this party is a ruse by Bryan with a Y to ensure that he at least has a shot at getting laid on New Years Eve.

It all makes me want to crash the party. In my pajamas. Toting my ukulele. Making it a memorable New Year's Eve party.

So here's to No Longer Boat Boy Bryan with a Y and just Bryan with a Y neighbor. May your party be loud and obnoxious and lack any cop involvement.

Tonight I will tolerate your ass but don't make it a habit.

I have your phone number.

Happy New Year.